


Of City Lights and Wine

by TheRaptorOFire



Series: Of City Lights & Wine [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Cullen Rutherford-Freeform, Cullen romance, Drinking, Female Inquisitor-Freeform, First Kiss, Foreplay, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Love, Mention of drug (Lyrium), Modern AU, Multi, NSFW, PSTD, Romance, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, slow build up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-14
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-03-30 13:48:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 29,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3939145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRaptorOFire/pseuds/TheRaptorOFire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amelia is just your not so average woman making her way through life, to do that she moved from her home in the Free Marches to Denerim. Her childhood friends, Mariana and Alistair have attempted many times to hook their friend up, This time they try with an Ex-Templar of the Military, Cullen Rutherford.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Hustle and Bustle of town

Friday finally, they both had been waiting for this day for two totally, completely different reasons. Amelia slumps over the couch, flicking on the TV while playing with her phone. Mariana is busy pampering herself up for what one can assume is another _wonderful_ night annoying her and kissing Alistair.

“Please Amelia get off that blasted phone.”

“ _Why?_ You’re just painting your feet again” Amelia scoffed.

“I am not ‘painting my feet’” Mariana said pouting. “I’m getting all nice for Alistair, which is why you need to get off the bloody cellphone. You promised you’d come with us tonight!”

She threw the phone next to her on the couch, throwing her head against the couch and rolling her eyes in aggravation. “Cousland, last time you made me go with you, you both tried to hook me up with some guy who turned out to be a fucking Stripper”

Mariana chuckled, looking into the vanity mirror while she put on some lipstick. She wasn’t lying, but it was so funny to watch her reaction. And how were they supposed to know Zevran was a member of the Antivan Crows? How was she supposed to guess that, that was really the name of a strip club?

“Well you’re the only one without someone-“

“Oh for the love of, not this **again** really.” She groans, grabbing her phone and sticking it in the back pocket of her jeans. “I don’t need someone to be happy. I’m perfectly happy in my relationship with pizza and my gym membership thank you very much” She watches the screen, flicking between channels.

Cousland rolled her eyes, putting the last of her make up on as they both hear the door ring. She urges Amelia to get it through both the death glare she was giving her and the head shake.

Amelia is now rolling her eyes. Maker she really didn’t want to go, this was her first weekend off in over 2 months. It turns out you don’t get much time off when you work at the shooting range, trying to help trainee cops and people trying for Detective. Who would have guess?

She gets up anyway and opens the door, Alistair and Hawk barging in without even a howdy-do.

So typical.

“And a hello to you too” Amelia says dryly as Alistair takes Mariana in his arms and is currently getting way to frisky in company. You would think he was a love sick puppy, it’s only been 24 hours since they saw each other for Andraste’s sake.

Hawk clears her throat and turns to the red head. “Hey Amelia, how ya doing? You coming tonight right? I was promised you were coming tonight.”

“You better come Amelia, I got something planed for you” Alistair says pulling his mouth from Cousland’s.

She rolls her eyes, gee how did she know they would do this; oh wait that’s right - cause they were childhood friends. “Alistair-“

Victoria cuts her off with a hand on her shoulder “Aw come on, you’ve been working nonstop, at least indulge us.”

She gives in, lowering her head in utter defeat. This was a game they all played on her, and she was absolutely terrible at it. Amelia was never going to win and accepted her fate as they dragged her to the car.

“So where are you sending me this time? Oh is it another club? Or better yet maybe it’s the Library. Remember that one? Oh boy _that_ one was fun” She says crossing her arms in the back seat, wedge between Hawk and Varric who they picked up not long after leaving the apartment.

Who was next? Fenris?

“Oh hush Sunshine” Varric chastises, nudging her with his elbow as she rolls her eyes at the nickname. “You’ll enjoy it, I had to pull a few strings to get us reservations”

Taking a deep breath she slumps back into the leather seat. “Alright. But where are we even going anyway?”

Alistair looks at her through the back mirror, smiling smugly. “You’ll see”

They all sit in silence for the remainder of the trip, say for Hawk and Varric playing a little game of Wicked grace.

Amelia looks out the window, watching the lights pass them, she always liked the way the city looked at night, its why she never left, her parents were a little annoyed, but she’s a woman, allowed to do whatever she wanted.

And in this case it was wanting to stay in the city.

Because she thought the lights were ‘pretty’

They finally arrive somewhere off the highway, pulling up to a parking lot that looked like it couldn’t only hold maybe 20 cars at a time. It takes her just a moment to realize they pulled up to the most expensive restaurant this side of town, ‘The Raven’s Song’. Maker this was the place they were taking her? Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad after all.

“Do you see him anywhere Mariana?” Alistair asks locking the car doors and taking her hand in his.

“Maybe he’s inside?”

Amelia leans over to Hawk, bringing her tone to a hushed whisper, “Who are they talking about?”

“A friend of Alistair’s. I don’t quite know the last name, but he worked in the Military for a bit.”

After walking inside they see a tall figure waiting in the lounge area, Amelia took a quick glance, noticing the broad shoulders covered in a simple white polo, and golden curls adorning his head, and it looked like he used something to style it. He turned around, waving and walking over to them. Alistair lightly punches him in acknowledgement.

“Good you showed up Curly” Varric says putting his cards away.

“It took a bit, but I was able to get the weekend off. It’s good to see you all again and-“ His attention moves past everyone and falls on Amelia. He stares; not intentionally and he doesn’t know why but his heart starts to race.

“I’m sorry, I’m not sure we’ve met?” He pushes past the others to properly meet the woman, holding his hand out.

She reluctantly shakes. “Amelia Willow Serena Trevelyan. But I’d really prefer if you just called me by my first name. And you are?” She gets a good look at his face now and she inadvertently stares at the scar on his lip.

“Cullen Stanton Rutherford. It’s a pleasure to meet you. You must be the friend Mariana mentioned. The one that didn’t want to come, I assume.” He says wryly with a smile tugging at his lips.

She chuckles crossing her arms. “Trust me, if you knew the places these people took me…”

A laugh catches in his throat. He would give anything for her to say his name, he’s sure it would sound like music from the heavens coming from her. Eyes so yellow they match the sun, but hair as red as fire, with fair skin covered in freckles. He takes quite a notice to the scars covering the left side of her face - it was a beautiful combination.

He doesn’t realize he had been staring till she clears her throat and signals that the others are on the move, and he rubs his neck, easing the tension forming there.

This was going to be a long night.


	2. A Fancy Dinner

Maker, the place is _packed_. Every table seems to be full, but that is no surprised with the fact that it _is_ a Friday - at dinner time no less.

The very idea that Varric was able to get a table here big enough for them all was truly astounding. Amelia and Cullen are the last to meet up with the group, which meant of course they had to sit together. The waitress comes not long after, handing them their menus and glasses of water to start off with.

“Is there anything on this menu that isn’t covered in gravy?”

“Really Alistair? If I can recall it was _you_ who ate his food like a Mabari and had gravy all over their face in High school” Amelia playfully scoffs, earning a very over the top pout from the ginger head seated next to her.

“But I was _Huuungry_ ” he whines, and they all laugh.

Varric shifts in his seat, whispering with Hawk while Alistair is playing with a lock of Cousland’s hair. All waiting patiently for their food. Leaving Cullen and Amelia to leisurely –attempt- to mingle, she twiddles her fingers, completely unsure on what to do. The only men she’s ever really known were Varric, Alistair, and her friend at the shooting range.

She was hopeless at the flirting game, couldn’t tell even if it bit her in the ass.

“So” she starts; “What do you do for a living?”

“Oh I um, I work at Skyhold industries.”

“Cool, I just work as the instructor at the shooting range.”

The both sit in silence for a few seconds, completely unsure on what to do next.

“Can you pass me that glass of water please?” pointing at the glass in front of him.

“Sure” He hands her the glass, their hands touching for only a split second but even then it sends a tingling sensation through his arm. This is ridiculous, they only literally just met. How could she already have such an effect on him, but his heart did sink when it seemed it did nothing to her. Maybe she didn’t feel it? Because he certainly did.

It isn’t long before the food comes, and not to mention the drinks, and of course Alistair and Mariana get the one thing which is drowning in heavy liquor, which means queue the greatness that is Alistair drunk.

“Alistair don’t you have to drive?” Hawk says giggling as Alistair spills some on his shirt.

“I candoit I shwear.” He slurs, his face flushed from the drink.

They all roll their eyes, and completely ignore him when he starts ravenously kissing Mariana, who surprisingly managed to hold down her drink better than the man next to her. Cousland sneaks into his pocket and pulls out the car keys, handing them to Hawk while whispering something to her, inciting a quiet chuckle.

“I’m not getting in the Car with him, I’ll take my chances with a taxi” Amelia says dryly, but with a hint of humor none the less.

“We’ll take him home, you pay the check Sunshine”

Amelia furrows her brow, clearly annoyed, and unsurprisingly she got annoyed a lot. “What? Really? Ugh, I knew you dragged me only to pay for it.” She says in exasperation. “But fine, this is the last time, my parents will kill me when they find out you know.”

“Oh it’s not like they’ll miss a few bucks out of their millions.” Varric retorts.

They all leave one by one, Mariana and Hawk propping Alistair up as he wobbles out. Amelia shakes her head smiling, she really did love her little family even if they were a pain, but that’s what a family is right?

“I just need to pay this, you wouldn’t mind driving me home would you? I can pay for gas if need be.”

Cullen unintentionally freezes up, the idea of her and him. Alone. In his car. He got a bubbly feeling in his chest and before he could stop himself he was nodding his head. “O-Of course. And you don’t need to pay, I can-“

“No I insist. It’s only fair since I _am_ making you use your gas.” She demands, grabbing her credit card from the waitress. She was not going to accept no for an answer.

“It would be fair if you _didn’t_ have to pay for the _entire_ meal by yourself.” He says with guilt in his tone.

“Again, it’s fine, truly.” She reassure him.

He gives her a lopsided grin, the nerves in him calming at the sight of the smile on her face, their hands brush against each other again, but this time is different, is that… is she blushing? He clears his throat, motioning her to the door.

The parking lot is clearer than it was earlier, when he leads her to his car, she’s stunned on how simple it is, a refreshing simple from the over the top sports cars Alistair and Varric liked to drive.  The leather in the seats is worn, and it could use a bit of a cleaning, papers and books all over the back seats, but strangely comforting. Reminded her of her own room back home.

“I’m so sorry about the mess, I hope that doesn’t- I mean _does_ it bother you? I can clean it-“

“Actually its fine” She says chuckling, he gets in with a grin as she buckles.

They both sit in silence for the majority of the trip. Once again she is staring out the open window, taking in the lights as they pass by them on the highway, the wind playing with her hair. Cullen glanced over quickly every few minutes. She looked like those models in the clothing magazines, the ones that always look like a fan in right in front of their faces- but it looks good on her.

“I take it you like the lights?” he asks wryly.

Amelia chuckles, turning her trance like state to him. “I grew up in a big mansion, I wasn’t allowed to go out and from where my room was I couldn’t see them. So when I was old enough I high tailed it out of there and came to live here. Been mesmerized ever since.”

“It’s a shame you can’t see the stars in Denerim.” He says with sadness. “I grew up out in the country, near the little Village of Honnleath. It was very peaceful there. Came here to look for a job after I came back from my time in the service.”

“I grew up in the Free Marches. Came here mostly to get away from parents after I finished my 2 years in the service, stayed for the company.”

He smiles briefly, but it fades as he pulls up to her apartment complex, he can’t help but feel a little disappointed that the drive ended rather quickly. He sees her shut the door and walk over to his side of the car, a smile grows on his face again as she leans on the car with one hand and the other on her hip.

“Thanks for the ride home, perhaps sometime you can come by the range. It’s the one down-town, near the 41st Precinct.” She looks at her phone for the time and finally concludes with: “Come by any time After 5, that’s usually when I leave.”

“I’d love to” he replies, unable to hide the stupid grin on his face.

 _Was this her way of asking him on a date? No it couldn’t be, that would be too quick. But what if it is?_ He finally concludes that it’s not, as he drives off. The drive back to his place seems to take longer than the drive to hers. Now that’s just cruel. He keeps imagining her, still in the passenger seat blissfully staring out the window.


	3. Sound of a Bullet

Amelia takes the recruit’s hands, steading them gently, showing the correct way to hold the pistol. She positions herself behind them, using her knee to spread their legs to the correct length. “Okay you’re doing well, now concentrate. Steady the gun, even with a small fire arm you’ll still get the recoil.”

She leaves the student to check the board in the main office. The Academy must have just finished with the graduating and the station across the street must have recruited some of the ‘weeboos’ As Bull liked to put it.

“Hey boss what are you still doing here? Don’t you have a life outside this place?”

She chuckles. “It’s busy today Bull, I’m not going to let you have all the fun. Can you stay up front for a bit? I need to go and reset the targets.”

“Got it Boss.”

As Amelia leaves the counter a man walks in, he looks confused- or more like, frightened by being here, he flinches each time a shot is fired. He looks around, finally stopping up by where Iron Bull is taking a sip of some water, his brows knitted.

“Excuse me, I’m Looking for Miss Trevelyan?”

“You mean The Boss? Who might you be anyway? Not anybody just walks in here ya know.”

“Names Cullen. She said to meet her here after 5?”

Bull shrugs “Alright.” He clears his throat… “Boss there’s a rippling man here for you!” He bellows out, his deep voice echoing through the room causing Cullen’s face to feel way to warm, he can literally feel his skin turn as red as a tomato.  

This of course makes Amelia jolt up and hit her head on the short ledge where the targets are. Subtle _‘fucks’_ and _‘for the love of’_ can be heard. Cullen looks at the corner of his eye and instantly worries for her, but she seems to be fine as she walks back to the counter rubbing her head.

“Damn it Bull I told you not to _ever_ do that.”

“Sorry Boss, but you never listen otherwise. Besides, it’s a _Man_. Here. For _You_. You don’t see that every day.” Bull says calmly as he walks over to continue were Amelia left off.

She continues to rub her head glaring at her assistant shaking her head in protest, she sticks her tongue out in a very childlike fashion, and Bull simple lets out a throaty laugh.

“Are you alright? That looked like it hurt.” He asks, brows furrowed worriedly.

“Yeah it’s nothing new.” She turns her gaze from Bull to Cullen, smiling. “Happens more times than you would actually think, besides- I really need to get out of here before I’m tempted to shoot him; though with the way that man is built I suspect the bullet will bounce right off him.”

Cullen laughs, another shot is fired and he flinches once more, his demure completely changing. “Yes uh, can we please leave? Right now?”

She raises a brow at his sudden plea, but she complies. The only right thing to do. “Yeah I just need to get my things.” She says rushing back to behind the counter, grabbing a hoodie and backpack, walking back to him and holding the doors open.

“Normally the _Gentlemen_ is supposed to hold the door for the _Lady._ ” He says wryly with a smirk, his tremors subsiding.

“Well it seems you’re the Lady then, Rutherford.” With a smile tugging at her lips.

She can hear Bull scream; _G’night Boss_ , and she only waves her hand back as the door closes.

They walk for a bit, totally, completely unsure on what to do. Cullen adjusts the watch on his wrist. She notices it has an etching of a Lion on it, wondering if he had it last night; she’s not too sure. Eventually they stop in front of a little Diner/Deli, Amelia motions for him to walk in, finding a seat by the window.

“I've never noticed this place before.” He says more to himself than anything else, darting his eyes around at the simple 50’s theme décor.

“It’s a little place I come to after work, don’t worry the food here is great.”

“I’m sure you wouldn't take me somewhere where they would poison the food.” He laughs darkly. And she giggles, taking the menu in her hands.

They both order BLT’s with fries on the side, though she orders it with extra bacon. They enjoy the simple late lunch, thankful he didn’t eat prior to this. Though right now he’s lost his appetite.

She looks up after stuffing her face full of fries and notices he seems to be somewhere else. She clears her throat, when that doesn’t work she waves her hand in front of him, and that gets him out of reverie.

“Are you alright? You look- shaken, and you haven’t touched your food.” She asks as her brow knits, her eyes glazing over to his hand which is currently ripping the poor little napkin in half.

“I’m, I’m fine. Just uh, a headache that’s all.”

She doesn’t seemed convinced and her worry grows even more. “Are you sure? If you want to discuss it I’m willing it listen. “

“No its fine” he says, gritting his teeth, biting his lower lip, breaths ragged.

“Are you-“

“I said I’m **Fine** ” He snarls, she sits up attentive, placing her food down and rubbing her arm. He instantly regrets the outburst and takes a couple of deep breaths. “I-I’m so sorry I didn’t-“

She cuts him off with a raised hand, waving and shaking her head. “No, no it’s my fault I should have let it go.”

His eyes widen and the guilt bubbles inside, Maker he didn’t want to sound like that. Not around her. He notices she looks out the window; she’s avoiding his gaze, and rubbing the scars on her face, squeezing her eyes shut and is she, trembling?

“Forgive me…” his voice wavers, becoming less coherent at the end.

“It’s alright, I-I didn’t mean to pry.” She pays the check and gets up, the grip on her shoulder pack tightening as she rushes out the door.

Is she, crying…? Maker, she’s _running_ away!

 _No, please stay_! He thinks; _pleads_ to her silently, rushing after her figure. But by the time he runs out the Diner she is gone, hidden in the crowd of people now coming down the block out of the nearby train station. He runs his cold fingers through his hair, cursing at himself and eventually he walks back to his car.

He did it, he blew it and now there was no way she was _ever_ going to even want to be _near_ him.

_Nice going Rutherford, nice going you ass._


	4. What are friends for?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up having to split this chapter up into 2 parts. it was easier that way, so posting both parts tonight!

Cullen arrives at his Apartment complex, his feet dragging along the ground as if made of lead, the trek up the 4 flights of stairs seem much more daunting than normal. When he reaches his door he can hear voices inside, slowly opening the door and throwing his keys in the small wooden bowl just under the coat hangers.

The voices seem to be coming from the Bathroom, and when he hears music he knows exactly who it is and takes a deep breath, basically throwing him on the couch, legs spread open to relax and he leans back against the edge.

“My Dear _strapping_ roomie, I thought you would be out longer.”

“Not now Dorian, I have a headache.” Cullen says playing with his phone in a poor attempt to ignore his friend. He should have just went to his room like what was intended first.

“When do you _no_ t have a headache?” he scoffs. “Come you must tell me what this ‘Amelia’ is like, if she is even real.” he says coming out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel, water still dripping from his hair.

“Maker, Dorian I really don’t –“

“Hush, you will tell me, don’t leave your dear friend in the dark.”

“Honestly Dorian I really, _really_ don’t want to talk about it.”

Dorian sits on the small arm chair beside him, brow raised accusingly on his head and his hand resting on his chin. “Cullen did you screw up again?”

“Dorian please I don’t want to talk about –”

“Cullen.”

“ **Fine** , yes I fucked up, are you happy? Oh look Rutherford screwed up again, just like he does with everything right? Oh that never happens right?” Cullen groans in aggravation, getting up and nearly sprinting to his bedroom.

Dorian shakes his head when he hears the loud exaggerated slamming and locking of the door. He takes Cullen’s phone which he left in his rush to be rid of his glorious presence. He scrolls through, looking to see if he, by some miracle- actually got her number before he bailed. (Assuming he was the one to bail on the poor girl, it wouldn’t be the first time.)

When he sees no number he immediately grabs his phone and texts Victoria.

**Hey sweet thing you wouldn’t happen to have the number of that pretty single red head friend of yours?**

**Hawk: You mean Amelia?**

**Ah yes, so she is real.**

**Hawk: Cute. But why do you need it?**

**I need to put it in our lovely friend’s phone.**

**Hawk: You do know she hates it when I just give out her number right?**

Dorian pauses, not sure if she is being serious or not.

**Hawk: But who am I to resist? Okay here it is…**

Dorian then grabs Cullen’s phone, punching the numbers and putting the name as ‘The Red Haired Chick.’ chuckling all the while, and when he sees his friend come out of bedroom he puts the phone back on the couch, as if nothing happened. Cullen glares at him anyway, hard to look menacing around Dorian when you are going shirtless though. He has a very, _very_ well-toned body. 

As Cullen walks back to his room Dorian has a smirk on his lips.

 

* * *

 

“You _what_?” Cousland says with ridicule, her mouth is literally hanging open as she puts her sandwich down, if it was anymore open it would fall off.

“You heard me. I Bailed. Like a coward.” Her hands are covering her face in pure embarrassment, she paces back and forth shaking, rubbing her temples.  

Cousland sits there at the little counter table in what one can assume is only pure shock. It’s clear that she is also angry, glaring at Amelia with her signature stare.

“I can’t believe you, why would you do such a thing?”

“I…I freaked. The way he yelled at me, the anger in his tone. I thought of _Him_ , and I was frightened okay?”

“Amelia that was 5 years ago, you can’t let that bastard control your life. You haven’t been able to hold any sort of relationship, friendly or not because of this. You _have to move on_.”

“You’re one to talk! You don’t that that memory _staring_ at you every time you look in a mirror, you don’t have people asking you ‘oh wow those are cool scars, where did you get them?’ it didn’t happen to you and if there is a possibility I could be hurt again, then I’m not going to fucking take it. I’m not _stupid_.” She clears her throat, breathing in deeply.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to –”

“Give me your phone” Mariana says holding her hand out.

“Why?”

“Because I’m going to give you Cullen’s number. You’re _going_ to call him, and you’re _going_ to apologize.”

“No.” Amelia says sternly. She would be damned, this time she is not giving in to her friend. This is all _her_ fault. Her and her _stupid_ ideals that Amelia needed a man to be happy. She’s to blame for this, not herself.

“Amelia Trevelyan, Give. Me. That. Phone.”

When she doesn’t give her the phone, Mariana gets up, determined to get that device. She lunges at Amelia, the two tango for a bit till finally Cousland gets the phone, pinning Amelia down on the couch as she puts in the number. Amelia however pushes her off and away from her, anger and pure hatred towards her friend surface, and Cousland is completely taken back. She has onlyseen Amelia this white with rage twice in their 10 years of friendship.

“Out” she growls, the hostility in her voice completely takes Cousland by surprise.

She blinks, brows knit together and she crosses her arms, more in a defensive stance then anything. “W-what?”

“I said _out_. As in, Get The Hell Out.”

“Amelia you can’t be serious.”

“ **Out** ” She snarls now, and reluctantly Mariana complies, grabbing her purse and walking to the door.

“I’ll be back in the morning, when you’re calm and reasonable.” She said slamming the door behind her.

Amelia stares at her phone, staring at the new number now added, and in a fit of rage, she throws the phone on the couch, the bubbling and pure hostility of her tone finally catching up to her. She felt betrayed, violated even by her own friend, and deep down she knew that was a bit of an over-reaction.

The guilt at throwing her own best friend out makes its unwelcomed appearance.

She turns to the vanity mirror and stares, stares at the scars on her face, and punches the mirror with such force it shatters, and of course she gets glass in her hand, she doesn’t care, she can just replace the blighted thing.

Amelia recedes to her room, locking the bedroom door and doesn’t come out till morning.


	5. Old scars never heal

_ 1 Week Later _

 

Another long day, Amelia just finished speaking to the ambulance driver. This is not a normal occurrence, but sometimes the trainees will forget to put the gun in safety mode, luckily this time it was just a nick on the poor sods leg.

The train ride home seems to take forever, today has been very long, emotionally more than anything. And when she finally makes her way to the apartment complex she walks slowly, as if legs are made of metal.

She and Cousland managed to make up of course, never do they stay mad for more than just a day, two tops. One of the benefits of a best friend she assumes. Amelia still feels guilty about the whole thing, thinking it over, she _really_ did over react. Who knew guilt festered when left unchecked for a whole week.

When she finally reaches her door, hearing not a peep, so she assumes Cousland isn't home yet.

She places some groceries down on the counter and plops on the couch, kicking her shoes off and resting her legs on the arm of the sofa.

Her phone falls out and opens up to Cullen’s number of all things. She stares, still feeling ashamed at what she did to him. Yes she was scared, but he didn’t deserve that kind of treatment, the way she ran out, it was cowardly.

And that is not how a Trevelyan deals with problems.

Guilt finally prompts her to take the phone, and steel her resolve. Starting a message but deleting it right after. Its takes an idiotic time of 5 minutes before she builds up the nerve to actually finish the text and send it.

 **Hey, um. This is Amelia. I know it’s strange I have your number and all, but I wanted to apologize for that day**.

Amelia pauses before sending the rest of the message.

**I shouldn't have ran like I did, I was, well scared. But you didn't deserve that. Perhaps we can meet up? And I can say sorry where it would be more meaningful, texts don’t convey much in terms of emotion.**

She waits, for maybe only 10 minutes, but he doesn't respond.  So she assumes he never will and locks the screen, getting up to the small kitchen.

It’s a couple of hours later, more close to 9 now when Cousland is walking through the door and sniffs the air, the smell of Parmigiana Chicken permeates the rooms and she salivates. 

“You’re cooking again?” She asks with incredulously, placing her purse next to Amelia’s phone on the small coffee table.

“Yeah I went to the store after work and picked up some stuff.” She turns, placing two plates on the table with food, and two glasses filled with red wine.

Mariana knows the tone, and she automatically places a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “You don’t need to keep feeling ashamed at your reaction Amelia. It wasn’t your fault.”

“Wasn't it? I ruined what friendship I could have had with the man.” She rests her hands on the table, and falters once more. The guilt hurts, emotionally _and_ physically. She knows she hurt him more then she hurt herself.

And that sort of pain stings more than any scar could.

“Stop beating yourself up, it happens. And I’m sure if you’d actually take the time to tell him at least, all will be better.” She sits down at the table. “Come let’s eat. I missed your cooking.”

Amelia smiles softly, lifting her head and relaxing her shoulders. Mariana always knows how to make her feel better, even if it’s in a strange way.

They eat, joking and talking like they always do. Cousland shares something Alistair did and Amelia laughs. They both are so enthralled in their conversation, neither notice the buzz from the phone on the table. In fact she doesn't notice the phone till she is plugging it in her room to charge after taking a shower.

**Cullen: Hey, I was in the Gym and didn't have my phone. I’d…I’d Like to meet up again that is if you want to meet up. I too need to explain myself, I feel terrible that we left on such a sour note. Text back when you can, please.**

She stares, dumbfounded. It’s quite ridiculous honestly. She wasn't expecting him to reply, and she can’t help the grin on her face grow. It’s late she thinks, it would be better to text him in the morning, so she does. Changing into her night gown she goes to bed a very enthusiastic girl.

 

* * *

 

With her texts he couldn't help but smile. She was actually _willing_ to meet up with him again. _Blessed be the Maker_ he thought. Though he didn't get a response immediately, thinking she must have been asleep, after all he did text back after 11. The text this morning actually made him giddy for no real reason.

He cleaned up, showered, took the time to tame his crown of golden curls, and even shaved. Never did he feel the need to look pampered before, the need for it takes him by surprise himself. It doesn't go unnoticed by Dorian, considering he was in the bathroom for well over an hour getting ready.

When he does finally emerge from the room Dorian is there sitting on the couch in a towel.

“Oh for the love of Andraste.” He sighs covering his eyes with his hand.

“Finally!” Dorian says getting up and striding to the bathroom. “Took you long enough.”

Cullen shakes his head and snorts as he grabs his keys and shuts the door behind him.

His mind wonders as he gets in his car. This is his chance to atone, his chance to fix - whatever they had before. He can’t screw it up.  He looks at his phone quick before shifting gears. “The park on 5th she said. Alright I know where that is.” Books and paper now litter the passenger seat, he shakes his head. Perhaps she would be willing to let him drive her home afterwards again if things go well. So he takes a handful of the papers and shoves them in the back seat, and dusting some crumbs on the floor.

It’s not the _cleanest_ thing in the world, but it should be alright.

As the park comes into view he gets a wide toothy grin as he sees figure in a black hooded sweater. It’s Amelia sitting on a bench, her back to him with headphones in her ears and her nose buried in a book, blissfully ignoring all that’s around her.

She looks so- _peaceful_ , serene even. He almost feels guilty for disturbing it.

Cullen walks over slowly, his heart is beating against his chest. She doesn't yet notice him, if he wanted to he could just walk away, not do anymore damage, but no- he shakes his head and swallows the nerves building up.

He walks up behind her and clears his throat, when that doesn't get a reaction from her, he walks around the bench and sits next to her.

Amelia looks up, with a shy smile she takes her headphones off and puts them in her shoulder bag.

“Hi.” She says in a whisper so quiet he’s not sure she said anything at all, but he smiles when he sees her smile.

“Hi.”

She puts the book down and turns her body to face him. Her hands flat on her knees. “Look, I owe you an explanation.” She takes a deep breath. “About what happened last week, when I ran out on you.” She clarifies.

He puts a hand up. “No, you don’t need to explain anything. I acted out, you were only trying to help. I’m in the wrong here.”

Amelia takes his hand in hers, squeezing his fingers and he freezes.

“No please, I need to explain.” She waits for a response, to which he only nods in acknowledgement. Not because it’s the better answer, but because her holding his hand has caused him to lose the ability to speak and he’s not even sure why.

Amelia takes a deep breath. “About 5 years ago I was working in a Diner and I met this man, his name was Jacob…”

He worries instantly as her face cringes at the name and he has to fight with all his willpower to not take her in his arms

She continues: “anyway, we hit it off pretty early. He was nice at first. Taking me out on dates, buying me flowers; the works. But… then… he started to get violent, loud yelling and hitting. He started to distrust me, thinking I was cheating on him. I ignored it, because I _thought_ I loved him, but I learned all too late and one day he came at me with a knife.” She runs a finger along the scars on her face. “He left these as a reminder.”

Cullen squeezes her hand when tears start to swell in her eyes.

“I’m so sorry I ran out on you, I-I. Forgive me.” The distress in her voice - the way it wavered at the end… Maker, He feels all the more guilty at his own actions on that day. So he does the only logical thing he can think of, and pulls her into an embrace, hugging her and rocking her back on forth as best he can on the bench.

They sit there for as long as she’s willing to hold him till eventually she pulls away, tears dry on her face at this point and her almond shaped eyes red from silent cries.

“I don’t know if it makes you feel any better… But I got this scar on my lip from tripping on my own Swiss army knife while I was in the service.” Cullen looks down at her with a lopsided grin. “It was quite the show, I’m told I fell very dramatically too.” He adds with a chuckle, and he gets the _exact_ response he wanted.

She covers her mouth and giggles, her wonderful smile making a welcomed reappearance. She wipes her eyes, and sits up. Amelia stares at him warmly, the crinkles on her face disappear as her features soften once more.

He cradles her face, thinking nothing of it. “And you know, you may not think so, but I think they are amazing. You survived so much, and have proof that you made it out on top. At least that’s how I’m seeing it”

Amelia sits there stunned, pursing her lips, tears threatening to fall down her face once more. She has only told this story to 2 people, but hearing it said like that, perhaps he’s right. She is here, not him, and no matter what the scars are proof… and that is actually a strange- beautiful way of putting it.

She gets up and holds her hand out to help him up, he doesn't need it of course, but how would could you refuse such a gesture?

“There’s an Ice cream truck that sits on the other side of the park, what’s say we go indulge a bit?”

“I’d love some” He replies smiling. His face feels like it’s on fire when she doesn't take her hand away as she leads him to the truck. Did she forget they were holding hands? Wait, what if she _wants_ to hold his hand? And why is it when he looks at her, her head jerks to look away. Is she – is she looking at –

“Amelia!”

She tugs her hand away from his as Alistair and Mariana run up behind them. Cullen notices the slight tint of a blush on her cheeks and can’t help but feel that it has to be because… is she embarrassed?

“Hey guys.” She says calmly.

“I knew the moment I saw the Ice cream truck you’d be here Amelia.” Mariana says wryly, chuckling.

Alistair places a hand on her shoulder. “Of course, everyone _knows_ Ice cream is the best am I right? Or am I right? I’m sure I’m right.”

Amelia and Cullen both laugh at the same time which caused Mariana’s brows to shoot so high on her head, you could swear they would fly right off.

“So you actually made up with him? And you’d buy him Ice cream and not me? That’s just mean.”

Amelia chuckles. “I cook for you almost on a daily basis’s Cousland. Besides, I owe him.”

Cullen looks at her and smiles warmly. It fades when Alistair slightly punches his shoulder. “Our lovely red head here likes her cone a Vanilla with Rainbow sprinkles and Chocolate coating. They can’t be chocolate sprinkles or else it will be too much chocolate.” he scoffs, earning himself a light punch from her, and he flinches, playfully though. He knows she wouldn’t actually hurt him.

“Wait no I bruise easily!”

“That would explain why you can’t lift anything more than a bottle of beer assume then?” She cocks a brow and smirks as Cullen hands her the exact cone Alistair jokily blurted out.

“Oh you wound me Amelia.”

They all go separate ways afterwards, Amelia finishing off her cone and helping Cullen when he ends up getting brain freeze. _(You’ll be fine, it’s not like your brain is really frozen)_

They both walk back his car and by a blessing from Andraste, she gets in after he offers to take her back home. It’s not a long ride sadly, but it’s still just as good, and when he gets back to his apartment he can’t help but have the feeling to jump for joy.


	6. Party for 2

There was no need for a party, why did Mariana need a party? It was just her and Alistair’s 8th anniversary. They’ve been engaged for so long why don’t they just fucking marry already? Now they were dragging everyone into it this mess. There were so many people, oh…so…many…people. Amelia didn’t hate people, no that wasn’t it. It was the _amount_ of people.

She hid in her room, door locked and butt on the bed. She stayed there for majority of the night, occupying herself with mundane tasks, just to have an excuse to not walk through that door. It was a Sunday, she had work in the morning. In fact she was sure _everyone_ had work in the morning.

Mariana occasionally would knock on her door, pleading that she come out of her little cave and join them.

The idea was tempting, but there were so. Many. People.

The living room area felt stifling, like it was really 100 miles up in the air rather then just 5 floors above the ground. But her throat was sore and stomach rumbling. She needed something to eat. Taking a few breaths she walked out, keeping her composure for as long as humanly possible. Mariana had invited all their friends, it seems all but one. The one person she wouldn’t mind being around honestly. _Cullen_.

Amelia never lied, telling the truth and hurting someone was better than lying to them and giving them false hope she would think. Everyone knew that about her. But she hid the light infatuation she had for the blonde-haired man.

Nothing more than a high school crush really. 

_Quite ridiculous if she was being honest._

“It seems our lovely friend finally got out of her cave.” Dorian says slapping his hand on her shoulder, causing her to jump.

She hunches her shoulders, taking a sip of her cup of water slowly. The cool water refreshing against her dry throat. Mumbling something incoherently, which Dorian promptly ignores, walking back over to… wait he’s walking back to Cullen?!

Amelia’s eyes widen, in fact she even nearly spits her drink out in surprise. Cousland said he wasn’t coming, what was he doing here? Oh Maker, what was he doing here? She averted her eyes, childishly putting her hand up to block him from her vision. Taking three deep breathes she went to walk back to her bed, the room feeling all that much more confined. Only to be stopped by it seemed everyone.

“You doing alright?” Bull asked, pulling her away from the crowd of people. She sighed in relief when he did, relaxing her shoulders and lifting her nearly empty cup to her mouth.

“Yeah, I just don’t like confining spaces, Maferath’s balls its crowed in here .” Her voice still shaky.

“ I know boss, I know” He says reassuringly, patting her back. “The Iron Bull has your back.”

“I can always count on you Bull.” She said, but her eyes were not on him.

“You seem to be staring at Cullen Boss, is something up?”

She darts her eyes between Bull and Cullen, “What – what do you –“

“Boss I know you, those blushing cheeks of yours saying more than you’d like to admit. You can tell me.”

Sighing in defeat, she clears her throat and brings her voice to a hushed whisper, though with all the noise it really isn’t necessary. “I don’t know what to think of him. A Part of me would like to pretend I don’t feel some strange spark. I mean yeah we are friends and all, but then there’s…” Eyes dart back to Cullen, “there’s another part that really would like to see what he looks like with that shirt off. But I have no idea what to do. He’s my friend.”

Bull puts his hand on his chest and laughs at the uncertainty in her voice at the end. “I’ve never seen you so fucked up over a man before. You, Boss, Need a good kick in the ass, or maybe a good tango in the sheets with him.”

Amelia rolls her eyes at his comment, though the blush on her face is hard to hide.

“Look all I’m saying boss is don’t dance around, you will never accomplish anything. Besides, you’re probably the hottest thing in this room to him, look how he darts his head away every time you look at him.”

“Y-you think?”           

“Fuck yeah, I can most definitely tell.” He pats her shoulder, slightly throwing her off balance. “Good talk Boss. Now there’s these peanuts with some sort of spice I need to try. Good luck in your quest to figure out what the hell you want.” He waves and rushes to the nearby coffee table covered in all sorts of food.

Amelia looks around, sneaks over to the table and grabs a bunch of the pastries and tiny cakes. Cradling them in her arms, using her tank as a bag and rushing back to her room, slamming the door shut with her foot. She sits on her bed, cakes sprawled among the sheets. Each one a different flavor, all so sweet in her mouth. Just plain euphoria from every bite. Her roommate knew her all too well, obviously Mariana got them to coax her out into the party.

There are three knocks on her door, ignoring them as she stuffs the tiny cakes in her mouth. There’s a buzz from her phone next to her from Iron Bull, but she ignores it as well and promptly wishing she hadn’t –

She sits there frozen when the door creaks open. Hand hovering over a slice of sponge cake, crumbs falling from her cheeks which are puffed up with food like a hamster. Cullen is standing there in the entrance. Eyes dart down to her bed and she can swear he gulps at seeing it. He’s carrying a folder of some kind, looking ready to burst with the amount of papers stuffed into the poor thing.

He clears his throat. “I’m sorry, I was hoping to find somewhere quiet so I could work and I noticed your room was untouched by the party. Is- is that okay?” His voice is shaky, high-pitched even, almost like a teenage boy.

She nods fast, brushing the crumbs off her bed, stuffing one more cake in her mouth before getting up and walking over to a decently sized computer desk. Amelia takes her laptop off it and motions for him to sit, he smiles, shutting the door and walking over.

“I’m so sorry.” He apologies again as he sits, “Dorian dragged me here even though I have work in the morning.”

Amelia snorts, She knew there had to be a reason he was here. Wiping her mouth with the sleeve of her hoodie, “Its fine, as long as you don’t mind the fact my room looks like a bear cave. Doesn’t help that I also have a pile of food on my bed either.” She jokes wryly, walking back to her bed, and not to mention her pile of tiny cakes.

“Like cake I assume?” He asks with a low chuckle.

“They are my one weakness.” She smirks as the mattress collapses under the weight.

“So what are you working on?” stretching her neck for a better look at the papers he’s placing around on the desk. She’s never really seen what he works on, let alone actually knowing what he does. He’s dropped hints probably but she was too busy being distracted by something else, or him. She’s not sure.

Cullen turns slightly in the chair, politely handing her one of the reports, smiling. “Mostly reports and the latter involving instances where a guard or officer were called in. I’m head of Security at Skyhold Industries.”

Amelia takes it gently, surprised he’d be willing to talk about it really, reading it over. Eyes surveying the report, Lyrium. More specifically, _Red Lyrium_ being smuggled through Skyhold into Denerim. The same new drug her brother was investigating. He must be looking into the case as well.

“I heard it came from the city of Kirkwall.” She blurts out unintentionally.

Cullen quirks a brow, getting up and taking the report from her hand. He looks to see which one he gave her. “Yes, well those are the rumors. No one is really sure where it came from.” He sits back down, putting the paper back in the folder, shuffling through the ones he has still on the desk. Grinning at a particular one. “Here, read this one, it’s from my ‘second in command’ if you will.”

She gets up, walking over to the desk. Taking the report, free hand on her hip. He can’t help but notice that she is wearing nothing but a tank top with jeans, the hoodie she is wearing hanging barely on her shoulders. She’s standing so close to him. If he wanted he could pull her into his lap. They are alone in here, that door is shut… He gulps as the above facts race through his head.

Her laughter cuts through him and scattering his thoughts. “Does this Rylen always write so sarcastically?” She asks incredulously.

“Yes, though I think he doesn’t know he is.” He laughs with her.

He gets up, putting the papers away. Clearing his throat, “You know, you have the most beautiful laugh –” Wait, did he just say that out loud? Face flushing when he looks at her, quickly turning his back to her, eyes wide and looking out the window.

She turns her head away from him, rubbing her arm with a shy smile. “T-thank you.”

Yes he did say it out loud. “ _Wow_ look at the time, it is late. Very late. It was nice talking to you, ah, yeah. I shall see you another time, yes?” He rushes out of her room, covering his face from any on lookers, snaking his way to the door.

“Wait! you forgot your – Reports…?” She’s confused, and a little embarrassed as everyone turns their gaze from the door to her. Amelia waves her hand at everyone then slinks back into her room, locking the door once it’s closed. Parties are weird.

So weird indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’d also like to make a quick note that the story jumps ahead about 3-4 months after the last chapter, so no one gets confused.


	7. A sip of Wine

Cullen frantically looks around the apartment. “No Maker, where is it? I don’t have _time_ for this.”

He feels his phone vibrate from a text in his back pocket and groans. Why did it seem Mondays are always so hectic?

**Cassandra: Cullen I have been waiting outside for 10 minutes now, we are going to be late for work.**

**I know I know, give me a minute.**

Not able to find the papers on the desk he remembers they must be part of the pile growing in the back seat of his car. He’s been more and more distracted lately, and it’s all thanks to a certain red haired woman, who openly welcomed him in to her little family of friends.

He wonders what she’s doing right now in fact. In just the few months they’ve been friends, Cullen’s noticed that even when she isn’t around, she tends to invade his thoughts. It’s worse at home, lately he’s been waking up sweaty and ashamed at the dreams he’s been having. Dreams he _shouldn’t_ be having.

Dreams that, after he wakes up he needs to- well _indulge_ in primal needs. There are days, nights even where he _craves_ her, wonders what her lips would really feel like against his.

In fact it was just this morning one of those heated visions played out in front of him, the memory sending a warmth up his neck and a pronounced shiver down his spine;

He can remember the feel of her dream self, soft, firm against him. The way her hair looked as she reached back pulling the hair scrunch out, how the dark red locks bounce off her shoulders. Eyes as bright as the sun in the darkness of his room, like a beacon guiding a ship through the night. The way his fingers tingled as he slid down those curves.

“So beautiful” He can remember saying, both in the dream and reality. When their lips come together in a hot searing kiss, filled with passion and lust all at once. Her hands drifting down to his –

Cullen nearly trips down the flights of stairs in his now aroused state, and when he gets outside he runs right into the _very_ person he was just shamelessly thinking about, his embarrassment increasing ten-fold.

“Oh Maker! Amelia I’m so sorry I didn’t see you!” He says frantically, helping her back to her feet, hoping; _praying_ that she doesn’t notice the arousal painfully trapped behind the fabric of his trousers.

Amelia chuckles, with a smile tugging at the curve of her lips cut by the scar. Rubbing her back where she fell, “Its fine, remind me next time to grab a red cloth before you charge me like a bull.”

His hand comes up to his chest, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves. She doesn’t seem to notice. _Thank the Maker_. “Are you alright?”

“Of course I am, I’m Amelia. Actually I wanted to give you this, you left it in my apartment after the party.” She hands him a small portfolio filled with what looks to be reports, the same papers he was looking for. Suddenly remembering the party and the intense moment in her bedroom of all places.

“Thank sweet Andraste, I was going crazy looking for these. I’m glad you came by when you did.”

“Name’s Amelia, not Andraste. But yup Trevelyan here to save the day.” She smiles showing her perfectly white teeth and thumbs in the air.

“Do you need a ride or…?”

“No I’m good,” waving a hand, “I’m supposed to be meeting Bull and Dorian. I closed down work early today. Figured doing that once in a while won’t kill anyone. Besides, that means some poor sod won’t get yell at by Bull.”

Cullen laughs darkly and shakes his head. “Well I’ll see you some other time then, you have fun.”

She waves her hand as her back turns to him and walks off. Cullen makes it to his car where Cassandra is waiting. She’s impatiently tapping her foot, the annoyance at being late already getting to her. And she is regretting carpooling with him.

“Who was that?” Cassandra asks as she gets in the car.

“A… friend, I thought I mentioned her before. Haven’t you seen her?”

“Not that I can recall. Well don’t let her distract you, we have a lot to do today.”

Cullen laughs to himself quietly, ‘ _that is a little late Cassandra. That’s all she’s been doing!’_

“Do not worry, there’s nothing between us.”

“Good, you’re already so distracted, you can’t make it anymore worse with thoughts of relationships. Though I will admit, sometimes a little flare isn’t so bad once in a while.” She says fixing her suit buttons.

He cocks a brow at her comment. “A ‘little flare’? I never expected you for the romantic type Cassandra.” He admits.

“Oh underneath all this” She gestures to herself: “There is a woman who loves romance. I’m not that thick skinned in armor you know. Every woman loves a bit of romance, flowers, chocolates, dinner dates; you just need to find what each person likes.”

Cullen contemplates her words as they drive off, starting to block out her words, unintentionally of course, and ponders. What would tickle Amelia’s fancy then? If what Cassandra says is true, there must be something he can give her, if there is a spark between them, perhaps he can make something out of it.

* * *

“I would prefer if you _didn’t_ barge into my apartment while Cullen was still there. You know he lives there too right? It’s not like when you come over he has another place to stay.”

“You gave me a key, and when I want something I usually take it.”

Amelia shakes her head at the banter going back and forth. She chugs down her shot of whiskey as if the blight is running across Thedas. “Oh will you two love birds shut it already? I’m not nearly drunk enouf for your love making yet.” She mumbles playfully.

“I’m sorry Boss are we too loud?” Bull elbows her.

“ _You’re_ not drunk enouf to be annoyingly loud yet.” She quips, her voice dripping in sarcasm and already slurring.  

She takes another shot, while Dorian is busy babying his glass of wine. Bull on the other hand is drinking Maker knows what, all she and Dorian knows that it is making his breath stink more than usual.

Normally she wouldn’t _be_ in the bar on a Monday afternoon of all times, but it was where Bull suggested, and she hasn’t hung out with him since he and Dorian started _pretending_ not to see each other.

Oh how small the world seems.

To think just 4 months ago she had no idea who Dorian was, who Cullen was, and now they’re all one big happy weird family. Makes her feel all that much better that she stayed in Denerim, but also making her contemplate her life choices. No biggie.

“Boss you think you should be drinking as much as you are? If so you need something stronger. Perhaps Marass-lok”

“And pray tell me, wat appened last time I had tat?” she slurs. She had to hold her hand out just to be sure she is even sitting next to the real Iron Bull, especially when she swears there are at least three of him, and the idea that’s there’s more than one of him is just wrong.

“This is why Wine is so much better.”

She leaves a few hours after, it was around 6 when she finally left the bar, wobbling home was harder then she thought it was going to be. Bull and Dorian eventually catch up to her, they weren’t going to let her walk home alone now. So Bull picks her up and swings her over his shoulders, his hands holding the back of her legs, Amelia is just giggling with the occasional hiccup.

They decide to walk to Dorian’s apartment, seeing as it is closer. And while they walked up the stairs Amelia is singing some random song from the bar, not that they mind, even drunk she sings it pretty decently, not the best but not the worst either. Though her tone is a little off, but Bull missed this side of her, it’s been so long since he’s seen her this drunk. Good times, good times.

Dorian opens the door, Cullen sitting at the desk with his reading glasses on, completely oblivious to the three people walking in. “Just put her on the couch, _Amatus_ ”

Iron Bull grunts and throws Amelia on the couch, which makes Cullen jump.

“What the? What in the Maker happened?” he asks with concern.

Amelia waves her fingers in the air, her face flushed with color from the drinks. “~I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts…~”

Dorian walks over to the desk with arms crossed as he places Amelia’s bag on the floor. All the while Cullen can’t help the smile tugging at the corner of his lips at the woman completely wasted on his couch, whimsically singing to her hearts content. _(~standing in a row, small ones big ones~)_

“Our lovely friend here had more than the intended amount of shots for such a ravishing creature.”

“She can stay for the night. It would be wrong to make her try to go home like that.” Cullen says taking his glasses off and cleaning the pile of papers. _(~some as big as your head~)_

“My, you _are_ a gentlemen.” Dorian playfully retorts as he walks into his room, no doubt getting ready for a shower. Cullen can’t help but stare at Amelia and snicker. He gets up and gently takes her sneakers and hoodie off, leaving the rest of clothes on for obvious reasons and drapes a spare blanket on her when she finally falls asleep.


	8. Slipped right through his fingers

Morning comes all too quickly and Amelia is already up and about, or more rather she got up in the middle of the night, sat at Cullen’s desk and slammed her head on it going back to sleep. At least that’s what Cullen _thinks_ happened. It certainly looked that way when he walked through the living room area.

He pats her shoulder, and puts a cup of Joe on the table next to her. “Amelia?” he whispers more of to see if she is awake.

She lifts her head, groggy and eyes lidded. She clearly had the look of someone who didn’t look quite awake yet. “Yeah?” she asks hoarsely.

“Here, its decaf.”

She takes a sip and burns her tongue of course. “Maker’s balls it’s hot!”

“Well I _did_ just make it.” He says with a mocking tone. Not what he intended the drink for, but it certainly got her wide away now. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired as hell.” She takes another sip, the glare from the sun hurting her eyes, signaling it is well past 7, forcing her to squint. “Thank you for letting me stay here for the night, though I’m sure you probably had no say in the matter.”

“It’s fine. I didn’t mind at all honestly.”

He sits across from her, his shirt rolled up to his elbows and unbuttoned, wide open; as if flaunting his perfectly sculptured chest as he drinks from his cup. Is he doing this on purpose? He has to oblivious, maybe forgetting?

Cullen looks over the papers he neglected last night, unaware of the Golden eyes currently ogling his bare chest and arms. The way they flex when he moves his arms, the dusting of golden hair on his chest, it looked like it made a trail all the way down to – well that’s not important.

It had to be a sin to be so perfectly built the way this man was.

It’s not intentionally of course, but how can she not? Her face flushing with color each second her eyes linger on him, and bets that has to be what the Maker looks like. Right?

Cullen looks from the paper in his hand, his amber eyes surveying her, noticing the blush forming on her cheeks and wonders if she’s still a little hung over. He follows her gaze and realizes she’s blushing at _him_. And he can’t help but feel just a tad smug.

Cullen clears his throat, snapping her from the trance she seems to be in. Taking another sip he quirks a brow, trying desperately not to grin like an idiot. “Are you sure you’re feeling alright? Your face is all flushed.”

She avoids his gaze, lifting her mug to drink, her eyes shifting around his apartment. “Y-yes of course I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be fine?” Amelia chuckles, biting her lower lip.

The tension between them builds slowly, becoming almost unbearable. Amelia plays with a strand of hair, looking out the window. She sits there till there is nothing left in the mug, getting up and grabbing her bag which of course is right next to the man sitting across from her.

Amelia gulps and the grip on the bag tightens to the point where her knuckles turn white.

“I um, better get back to my place. Yeah. See- see you around.” She stutters as she backs up, hitting the back of her leg on the small coffee table. “ _Fuck_... I-I mean I’m good, I’m good. Yeah.” She fumbles for the door knob, slipping through the moment it’s open.

His gaze doesn’t leave the doorway even well after she is gone, and a shy smile finds its way on his face while Cullen looks over his reports.

 

* * *

 

“Wait tell me again why Alistair is staying for 3 days?” Amelia asks propping her feet on the coffee table as she sinks into the sofa cushions. A towel heated with water over her eyes.

“My apartment is being fumigated, bed bugs or something. So like sweet Mariana said, I could stay here.” He turns his gaze from Cousland, who he had been staring at the entire time. “Why? Don’t you love me? I thought we were friends.” He pouts childishly

Amelia throws her head back and groans. “I love you Aliboo, but you’re a pain to cook for.”

“What are you making anyway? I’m starving.”

“I didn’t go to the store today. I have a headache, can’t you guys make dinner? You’re adults after all.”

Amelia rolls her eyes to the pouting and whines coming from the table as she flips through channels. A knock on the door jolts her up, she walks over to the door, wondering who it could be, and standing there is Cullen.

“Oh Cullen what are you, doing here?”

He takes her hand, palm up, placing her phone there. “You left your cellphone in your rush to get out of my apartment, I ran out to give it to you, but you were long gone.” Her brows shoot up in surprise.

“Oh wow I hadn’t even noticed I left it. Thank-- “

Alistair jumps off his seat, running over to the door. “Wait you were in his Apartment?” he does an exaggerated gasp, covering his mouth with his hand before he finishes: “Were you ‘ _Caboodling_ ’? He teases.

“Andraste’s flaming sword, Alistair!” She gives Cullen a toothy grin as she pushes her friend out of view.

Cullen stands there, his ears burning, twiddling his thumbs as he hears the three of them talking. _(They were Caboodling Mariana! No we were not you, idiot! Then why did you sleep over? There is nothing wrong with Caboodling you know, Amelia. Sweet Maker!)_ He’s ready to just leave when Amelia returns and shuts the door behind her, pushing him down the hallway and to the stairs. When they finally reach the outside of the building she takes a breather.

“Maker I hate them sometimes. I’m so sorry about that” She chuckles. “It’s Alistair, there’s not much to say.”

“Agreed. So where uh, what do we do now?”

“I don’t know…. How about some Pizza?” she asks shrugging her shoulders.

“Sounds like a plan.” He smiles.

They walk to a little pizza parlor just a few blocks down. It’s cold and Amelia immediately regrets not taking a jacket or sweater, but she stays out a bit anyway just to stare at the lights. Cullen politely waits for her, but he can’t help but look at the lights as well. He’s never really cared before but, he’s noticed they seem – brighter when she is around. They sit and eat, both getting 2 slices of pepperoni, laughing and talking about one another.

“No one dared speak ill of his sister, Carver was a good man. A shame he left the order when he did. Would have been great.”

“So that’s how you knew Hawk? Through Her brother?”

He nods taking a bite out of his slice.

“It’s been awhile since I’ve seen Carver.” She mumbles more to herself than anything.

Amelia looks around, noticing the clock chiming in at about 15 to 9. Playing with her half eaten crusts, the only sounds are the running of the soda machine and the chewing from across the table. Eventually she turns her gaze to him once he finishes his last bite. “This was fun, we should spend more time like this together. I mean we already _do_ , but wait no - what I mean is uh…” She stutters, and ironically rubs the back of her neck to ease the tension. 

“I lost what I was going to say – “

“That sounds nice.” He murmurs softly, wipes his hands with a napkin. “Y-You know, doing what this is I mean – not to you losing track of what you were saying, of course.”

Amelia bats her head down smiling. “I agree, we should do this more often.”

Cullen pauses, his eyes moving down to look at her hands before coming back up to look at the golden eyes currently looking at everything but him. “You… said that” he says, letting the last words come out as a whisper. His heart beating against his chest as his signature lopsided smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth.

“I did?” she asks shifting uncomfortably in her seat. Cullen only nods in response, interlocking his fingers as he rests his chin on his hands. His amber eyes glaze over her, up and down, appraising her.

“I should probably get back to the two babies, lest they starve to death. That is unless Alistair found my wheel of cheddar cheese.” They both laugh together, though he stops before she does, just to be able to hear her laugh.

Never has he been so entranced by anyone before, the way her mouth moves when she talks, how her voice seems to change as she laughs, the glow her eyes have when the light hits them just right.

He’s completely mesmerized by her. It’s extremely _ridiculous_ honestly.

Cullen gets up walks to her side of the table and holds his hand out, smiling as she takes the offer and they walk back to her complex. They stand in front, staring at one another, occasionally looking over to the lights because that’s what Amelia does.

They look into each other’s eyes, he notices the way the light shines off her, it almost looks like there’s hints of green, it must be the light, or has he never noticed it before?

Without warning, something comes over him, taking her chin gently in his hand, tilting her head ever so slight as to look into them at greater detail, and he freezes - she freezes, both it seems frozen in time. He can feel her tense up, his own heart beating what must feel like a million mph. The cool breeze playing with her hair, the red wisps flowing over her shoulders, and even though the air is cold he is considerable warmer, it feels as though he’s on fire even.

His stomach feels as its in knots when she steps closer, wait what? She’s actually stepping closer –

What does he _do?_

_Maker, he doesn’t know what to do!_

She leans up on the balls of her feet and he leans down instinctively, his free hand now slowly inching its way to her waist, his heart drumming against his chest, he’s sure she can hear it even over the wind howling in their ears. She’s tilting her head and leaning in closer, her breath brushing against his, their lips only mere centimeters apart. His eyes flutter down to her lips just before closing and—

“Hey Amelia!” They can hear from behind them, the sounds of boots on stone coming ever closer.

_No. No. No._

His eyes shoot open, the blush on his face spreading to his ears.

She pulls away from his reach, her face flushed with color to the point her freckles are near invisible. Cullen steps back from her, both breathing much considerable heavier. Maker what has he done? He should have just grabbed her and kissed her right there, it’s what it was leading up to! They were so close!

Amelia clears her throat and rubbing her arm. “G-Good night Cullen.” She mumbles before turning and booking it past whoever it was who interrupted them and straight into the building.

He stands here, bewildered, shocked, embarrassed, anger at the third person, you name it, he’s probably feeling it. He slinks back to his own complex, the beating in his chest doesn’t subside till he’s undressing and crawling into bed.

_They came so close…_

_We were so close…_ _  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never mentioned this, but Amelia and Alistair are childhood best friends, more so then her and Mariana even though its not mentioned much. the nickname she calls him is one from when they were kids. It's mentioned later on so i figured a short explanation is in order.


	9. A heavy heart

There are some mornings Cullen wakes up sweaty and shaking. The sounds of gun fire and screams, the walls crimson and bodies painted with their own blood haunt him: nightmares that he is forced to relive night after night. The ones that seem so real that you think you are right there, and when he wakes: afraid they will jump out from the shadows of the corners of his subconscious.

But not tonight.

For the first time he woke up with but not a sweat, no sheets tangled around his legs, everything is exactly where he left it the previous night. There was no room for the nightmares this night, and he is thankful for it.

The glare through the curtains is bright, he checks his alarm clock, nearly 11 in the morning. Cassandra is going to kill him for skipping work today and it’s too late to call in sick.

He can’t hear the water running, so assumes Dorian is not up yet. He takes the opportunity given to him, never gets to accommodate the bathroom for more than 20 minutes at most, so today he takes his time. Running the water till steam gently floats through the shower curtains, and as he steps in, the heat instantly relaxing his tired muscles.

Cullen leans against the tiled wall, his mind drifting to the night prior, to how her smile seemed all that much brighter, laughter filling the silence with its cheery mood… and to how they almost- _almost_ kissed, their lips barely touching under the crisp breeze.

He bites on his finger, his heart hammering against his chest and a tingling feeling reaching his groin.

She had been acting odd, in fact now that he thinks about it, she has been acting very odd around him for the past month: stuttering, shy glances – what did it all mean?

_No get a hold of yourself Rutherford, there is no way she could even **think** of you in such light._

Doubt plays in his mind, even though last night plays on repeat in his head on a loop. What almost happened last night, one could hope none the less, perhaps there was something there, she was leaning in…she _did_ lean in.

He runs his fingers through his curls, and takes a deep breath. Despite the water running down his back he’s flushed, all ready to indulge himself before jumping to the sound of knocking.

“In-in a minute!”

He turns the water off, draping himself in a towel, but not after drying his hair. Cullen opens the door a crack before walking out, making sure to hold the towel to hide his arousal. Ignoring the cooing and whistling coming from Dorian, who is sitting down on the couch next to Bull.

Cullen grabs his phone, staring at her number (Yes he changed it from what Dorian initially put in) and he texts her, hoping that she responds. And by a blessing from the Maker she does almost instantly, his heart fluttering in his rib cage.

**Amelia: yeah, you can come over here actually. Mariana and Alistair are getting ready to leave. I’ll leave the door open for you, I may be in the shower when you come over so pay no heed to that.**

He gulps, still unable to believe that she’s willing to say such private things with him, though to be honest it’s nothing new. Amelia is a bit weird, but then again she’s been best friends with the iron Bull of all people.

So he quickly gets dressed and rushes out the door, leaving two very confused men sitting on the couch.

 

* * *

 

He jiggles the handle, and just like she said it’s unlocked so he opens it and eyes widen, flushing with color faster than Alistair can make a quip.

“Sweet Maferath’s sweaty balls!” Amelia screeches, her hands holding onto the towel around her body for dear life.

He screams internally as she screams.

Cullen shuts the door quickly, his head resting on the wood and he stands there, frozen. His hand trembles on the door knob, his other coming up to rub his eyes, trying to be rid of the image he was just witness to. Andraste preserve him.

He can feel the throbbing of his arousal take a hold, Maker how is he supposed to walk back in with _that_ on full display? He takes a couple of deep breaths as he plays unpleasant thoughts through his mind, something, anything. His hips vibrate to the phone receiving a text.

**Amelia: Okay come in now.**

_Easier said than done._

Cullen gulps and looks down, it’s not so plainly obvious now at least. So he nods and opens the door, slowly this this time, sticking his hand through and waving. Amelia laughs, and he assumes it is safe to walk in.

“Maker, I’m so- so sorry, I – I ah…” he pursues his lips and shuts up before he makes it worse, avoiding her gaze and playing with the material of his button up polo. When laugher permeates the room He looks up, notices she’s just wearing a tan tank top and jeans, of course she would be wearing that which shows her skin still.

“I didn’t blind you did I? Oh Maker that would be new. I can see the headline’s now; ‘Man blinded by sight of bare boobs’.” She jokes waving her hands in the form of a rainbow.

“N-No of course not.”

Amelia motions for him to come over to the table, 2 cups of tea ready for them. “You know, this is exactly how I and Cousland became friends. And at the Gym, they really need to do something about those shower rooms.”

“I…see. So what? Does that mean we’re best friends?” he asks wryly.

“Kind of hard to come back from that honestly.” She puts her hand on his, still wet from the shower, the thought invading his imagination once more. “Next time I’ll barge in on you, how about that?” she says with obvious mockery, but with all that’s happened in just the past 10 minutes it makes his face flush.

When Amelia realizes he isn’t getting the humor in her comment she quickly pulls her hand away and raises them defensively. “I was kidding, I was kidding.”

They sit there in in as much silence is possible with Cousland’s Mabari making strange gurgling noises in its sleep. He has to address last night, if he doesn’t he’ll never be able to sleep. It is _tearing_ him up inside.

“Look about last night—“

“What? What happened last night?” She quickly Huffs.

He looks at her quizzinly, brows raised high in reaction to her quick response. “I want to explain—”

“There’s nothing to explain, n-nothing happened. Nothing at all.”

“I just—“

“Please I can’t –”

It takes him a moment, her quick responses, the trembling in her hands on her mug, how she darts her eyes outside now avoiding his gaze.

_She’s avoiding the topic_.

He doesn’t know why she may be doing that, but to avoid any more issues he drops it. The pain in his heart from that realization hurting more than anything he’s felt before.

His heart sinks and voice lowering to a hushed whisper, stifled sobs escapes for a moment as his composure breaks, getting her attention. “I, I think I should go.” He says getting up, nearly running to the door.

“Wait Cullen!” Amelia rushes after him, cringing when the door slams right in her face. 

This was stupid, every emotion he felt for her, stupid. He was a fool to think she could even _hope_ to feel the same way about him. All those times, those shy smiles, the laughs: where they just a ploy? Something fake to make him believe something, _anything_ could spark between them?

He was going to _kill_ Alistair. This was all his fault, he convinced him to go to that restaurant, he said it would be a fun like old times. But no, of course not.

Cullen doesn’t stop walking, even after hearing the sounds of sneakers on concrete running in his direction. In fact he’s ready to _punch_ the person who just ran up behind him and grabbed his arm, turning and winding his fist, lowering it when he finally takes a look at who it is.

“Cullen please…”

“What do you want now? Wasn’t playing with me enough?”

“No I—“

“Then what? What was that before huh?” He asks with such ferocity, such hatred she starts to cry, and this time he doesn’t cringe at it.

“I don’t know! I have no idea what I want! I Haven’t –“

“Haven’t what? What is it then?” He’s nearly screaming in his rage, not caring if people stare.

Amelia lowers her head, tears sting her eyes. She turns facing the direction of her apartment and over her shoulder whispers, “I haven’t felt this before, I don’t know what _I_ want…”

He watches her slink away, arms crossed her chest as her figure disappears into the complex. His heart heavier now. He rubs the back of his neck, winching at the tension pain and has no idea what to do.


	10. Sweeter than words

Reluctantly Cullen walked back to her place, why he did is unsure even to him. After what has just occurred any person who was just rejected (though she didn’t actually reject him) would continue walking away, but he doesn’t. Cullen doesn’t have the heart to abandon his friend.  

When he finds the door still unlocked he walks in afraid of what he will find. “Amelia?”

He sees no trace of her except for shoes haphazardly thrown across the floor, sounds of crying and the blowing of a nose come from the direction her room. So slowly he walks over and knocks twice, when there is no response he opens the door carefully to the sight of her there on the floor, the ground littered in tissues.

She already looked like a complete wreak curled on the floor as she was. One of the only times he’s ever seen her this- broken, the first being that day in the park.

Without missing a beat, Cullen gets on the ground next to her, brushing away the piles of tissues. He rolls her over so she is facing him, takes her chin and lifts her head, tears swelling up on her almond-shaped eyes, now bloodshot from crying.

His thumb brushes away the tears on her cheeks, her brows raised eye on her head. She sniffles.

It takes her a moment, water in one’s eyes tends to blur their vision after all. “What - what are you doing here?” she asks; demands almost, breathlessly.

He takes her hands, clammy and trembling as they are and smiles warmly at her, lifting her up till both are standing in the middle of her room. “Let’s go get some Ice cream.”

Amelia stands there perplexed, taken back at his calmness. She doesn't deserve this why is he- “I- I- I don’t under –“

“I’m your friend, do you really think I’m going to stand here and not try to help?”

She blinks rapidly, not having any idea what to do. So reluctantly she takes his hand with a soft smile, sniffling as a sob catches in her throat as they walk to the local Ice cream parlor.

He gets her a sundae with a banana and 2 different flavors, sprinkles, chocolate sauce; the works. They sit there in silence. He’s half way done with his, noticing she has yet to even touch hers. She just stares at the cup in silence, looking at it with an empty glare. Her hands resting on her lap. It was like she was wallowing in self-pity and even a hint of guilt.

Cullen looks at her with concern, she looks so… lifeless, like a husk of her normal self.

To be honest it’s _freaking_ him out.

Reaching his arm across the table in an attempt to snap her back to reality, “Amelia you haven’t touched your –“

“Why?” she suddenly snaps.

“Pardon?” he asks startled.

“Why are you being so nice to me? Most men would just leave after that, but…” She looks up, her eyes no longer red and puffed up, golden once more, cutting through him like a knife. “You didn’t leave. Why?”

“Because – You’re my friend and I care about you, whether you’d like to admit it or not.”  He replies calmly, not missing a beat.

Her eyes widen at his words, he can see her mind work around something in that pretty little head of hers. What it is he’s unsure, but she smiles, tears prickling the backs of her eyes once more.

Amelia moves further into her side of the booth and pats the seat next to her. “s-sit next to me?” she implores, and he obliges. He smiles when she hands him a spoon and urges him to eat her sundae, and even though he’s pretty full from nearly finishing his, he does so if it means her smile stays.

Amelia starts to spring back to life after that, her demurer completely different than just a few moments ago. Playfully pulling the cup away from him, taking a spoonful in her mouth. He cocks a brow and pulls it back in front of him. Repeating it till there is no more ice cream. 

Laughing, smiling even after they walk to the park as she pushes him and runs ahead. Cullen smirks, running after her, nearly tripping when he lunges his arms out. Scowling at the pair of birds in the tree which seem to be mocking him.

Amelia holds her stomach and laughs at the pouty face he makes. “Getting mad at birds now Cull – whoa! “

His eyes spring open when her figure disappears behind the hill and he runs over, laughing as she rolls downhill, coming to a stop on her back. Amelia looks up at the sky, tracing shapes with the clouds when Cullen stumbles down the hill, landing on top of her.

“S-sorry” he stuttered propping himself on his hands ready to get up, his heart skipping a beat when he realizes she’s blushing just as hard as he. Her eyes surveying him, contemplating her next move, he’s seen that look when they played chess.

Amelia stares into his amber eyes, his beautiful golden curls disheveled over his brow and steels her resolve, dancing around like this is stupid, so stupid.

Suddenly he’s jerked back down, her hands clamped on the collar of his shirt, her eyes fluttering down to his lips, asking silently and his heart feels like it just jumped into his throat.

Amelia murmurs but he’s unable to hear it over the blood rushing to his ears. He leans down as she leans up, and just like the previous night her breath brushes over his lips –

Cullen gently cradles the length of her jaw in his hands, eyes fluttering down to her lips before closing and before she can even get a sense of what is going on, his mouth is crashing over hers with such urgency it leaves Amelia in a momentary state of shock.

The rush of sensations overpowering. After weeks, months even the pent up emotions are finally given release as his mouth moves over hers. It all sending Amelia’s mind and heart racing.

_This is what she wanted._

She pulls him closer, his large frame practically covering her from view. Her tongue runs along his lower lip, tasting like sweet ice cream as it brushes against his own as they explore one another. A strangled moans escape him. Her hands snake through his curls, nails scraping against skin. They pull apart for merely a split second, breathing heavily, before their mouths once again come together. Her leg wraps around his as he settles, relaxing with each second.

This time slower, the initial need replaced with calm as her lips mold around his. Her leg wraps around his as he settles, relaxing with each second.

 _This is what he’s wanted for so long._ To know what her lips feel like, and they put the dreams to shame.

Her nose sitting near his stubble, He smells – _Earthy_ or more like musk? She’s not sure. Breathing it in like it is a _necessity_ , that without the scent of him and whatever that heavenly smell that wafers through her nose is, she will die. It’s a bit of an exaggeration, but it certainly _feels_ that way.

Hands drift from her face to the dew covered grass beneath them. She tilts her head, sucking in his bottom lip, teeth scraping his skin before finally pulling away, the puff of air coming from her kiss swollen lips is hot brushing his.

There’s a tightness in their chests both never felt before and strange as it is, it’s a pleasant feeling.

They are not sure how long their laying there, or how long they were staring at the others lips, both swollen from their activities. Or how long Amelia had that stupid grin on her face.

Cullen rolls off her, stumbling back onto his feet. He clears his throat, hand held out and pulling Amelia up to her feet. Once she is level he’s pulling her into his arms as fingers mesh and she rests her head on his chest. His heart beat is slow and comforting as rough fingers stroke through her hair.

For the first time in years she embraces the feel of a man’s chest against her face. She chuckles to herself, Cousland is never going to believe this.


	11. A Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long break between chapters, RL caught up to me and i wanted to wait till i had caught Tumblr up.

Everything in the last few hours seems like a blur. _Everything._

The Kiss. Her arms around him. Her smile. How he felt when he leaned in, and when she kissed him back.

_It feels like a complete blur._

A part of Cullen believes this is really some elaborate dream, and he’s actually still in bed. It has to be. Her? In his arms? That’s not real; it can’t be –

Amelia stirs, nuzzling her head on his chest, eyes closed and smiling. He feels weightless as her arms wrap tighter around him, like she’s pleading him not to let go and how could he consider such a thing?

To think just a few hours ago she was pushing him away, that wasn’t it. She must have been trying to save him. She had mentioned so many times how bad her love life has been, she confided to him numerous times; not just that one day. Each one she’d been hurt. Did she think this was going to be the same? Maker, he hoped not. The feelings he has for her, to say them out loud would be a wish, but would it scare her off? 

Perhaps it was to spare _him_ the pain. He can remember the look in her eyes, how they were bloodshot from crying. But now they were like a beacon, a bright- sun golden beacon.

She was strange, but a good strange.

A strange he wants to be a part of.

“You, Amelia Trevelyan, are a very unusual person.” Cullen mummers as he leans into the crook of her neck, his stubble rough but tickling her skin. She chuckles against his chest, hands making soft circles on his back.

“I’m surprised you’re only just figuring that out, Mister Rutherford.”

Cullen lifts his head with a crooked smile, pulling back from her and resting his hands on his waist. “Since when was I ‘Mister’ Rutherford?” he asks, mimicking her voice in mockery.

He chuckles at her mock-appalled expression.

“What then? Would you rather have me call you ‘Commander Cullen’?” folding her arms over her chest, her voice dripping in sarcasm but to him it sounds nothing but liquid gold when his name leaves her lips.

He will never get enough of her voice saying his name.

“Now that wouldn’t even make sense.” He replies shaking his head.

“No – But you have to admit, it does roll off the tongue very nicely.”

Amelia repeats the nickname, her finger waving in time to the syllables like she’s testing it out. She’s right though, it does sound pretty nice. Perhaps he should put that on the door to his office. That would be the talk for a few days.   

Cullen reaches her for an embrace, only to be met with thin air and the grass of the park. He grins against the greenery at her faint child-like laughter. So she’s going to start this up again? Well two can play at this game, his lips curl into a wicked grin as an idea suddenly finds its way to his head –

He starts groaning in mock pain on the ground, rolling onto his back, His hands moving up to cover his face. Amelia’s eyes jolt open and fearing that she actually hurt him, she runs back over, kneeling next to him. Her brows knit together in concern.

“Cullen? Maker, Cullen, are you alright? Oh for the love of Andraste please be alright…” Cullen struggles to keep the serious tone in his groans, but it was doomed from the start.

She pulls his hands away to find him…smiling? Smugly as well. Amelia pulls back slightly, confused. Not getting chance to react he pulls her on top of him and wraps his arms around her back. Murmuring: “got you” against her neck before softly kissing her, lips barely touching her skin.

He can feel her shiver, and he knows it not from the wind.

Pouting, she wiggles herself free and dusts off the bits of grass on her top. “That wasn’t funny _Mister_ Rutherford.” Attempting to sound mad, but it’s hard to fake anger when one is smiling like a goof ball.

He gets up, brushing the hair from her eyes. “If that’s the case why are you smiling _Lady_ Trevelyan?”

“I am not!” Amelia mutters, arms folded across her chest in an attempt at a put. He snickers at her fuming reaction, reaching out to her and pulling her closer.

Cullen caresses the outline of her jaw, running his thumb over the scar on her cheek, his calloused fingers creating a wonderful friction on the soft skin. She leans into his hand, placing a light kiss in his palm. Cullen smiles down warmly at her, how could such a perfect creature exist? How many times has he wondered to himself if he should just out right tell her?

Wrapping an arm around her waist, pulling her closer; He lifts her head, her chin between his thumb and fingers. He traces the curve of her lips with his thumb, admiring the slight blush on her cheeks. Eyes flittering down to her lips –

“May I?” He asks, his voice a whisper and his breath catches in his throat.

Amelia shakes her head with brows raised with amusement playing in her tone, “We have a long way to go if you need to ask.”

“Indeed.” He murmurs, leaning down and covering her lips with his. The kiss is lighter than before, he draws it out for as long as possible before she pulls away. Ingrains the feel of her lips into his memory, their soft- welcoming even, a feeling he hasn’t felt before.

“I should get back, I did leave the room a mess…” she mummers as he loosens his hold on her. He only nods in acknowledgement. “Perhaps we can meet tomorrow?”

“I’d like that. You can come by my office, it’s on the tenth floor. You should be able to just walk in.”

“I’ll surprise you when you least expect it…” She smiles, suddenly reaching into her pocket. Cullen watches as the gears turn in her head, unsure if she should continue.

Cullen looks down at her, his hand still on the soft skin of her cheek. Her eyes flash up before looking away. “I –“ She shifts her weight on her right foot before continuing. “About a month ago I found this really pretty flower just among a sea of red, it was so unique and well it reminded me of you. Alistair said it was so cute that the first thing I thought of was you and how the whole rose thing reminded him of the first gift he gave Mariana and uh, I was too afraid to give it to you…”

“Maker’s breath, it sounds so _dumb_ saying it out loud, but ah, here.” She hands him the rose, yellow, brilliant yellow, almost like the sun. He thumbs it, watching with mouth ajar at the woman rubbing her arm and looking in the ground.

“You… you thought about me?” he asks light incredulity.

She chuckles lightly at him, shaking her head. “Actually, I did a lot, as much as that might surprise you.”

Cullen stares at her, completely at a loss for words. Why that was he’s unsure, perhaps it’s a rose, a simple gift, or was it that she wanted to give it to him? He hooks a finger under her chin, forcing her to look at him. A warmth fills his chest as he truly takes in the sight before him. Cullen feels the shiver as he gently traces her bottom lip with his thumb, eyes locked on hers.

Mindful of the fragile flower in his hand, finger tips resting on her hips. He lowers close to her lips, breath brushing over them giving her enough space in case she wanted to leave. Amelia’s eyes were closed leaning in as her lips covered his. How many times had they kissed in what felt like an eternity? His hand left her chin, making its way to her hair, where fingers played with the wisps of fire kissed hair. There was something calming about the way she sighed, the way her lips felt, even the way they tasted; still sweet from the ice cream surprisingly.

Cullen pulls back, unable to open his eyes. Almost afraid if he did, he’d start tearing from just the sensation, the idea that there might be more. But eventually he does, and he finds her looking back at him.

Her cheeks flushed, eyes never leaving his, she smiles. A warm smile that beams like the sun.

“Cullen?” She pauses, waiting for him to respond. “How long have you wanted to do that?”

He smiles, thinking back to that Friday night almost a year ago at this point. Perhaps he’s always wanted to. Cullen Smiles down at her, “Longer then I really should admit.” He tells her with a chuckle at the back of his throat.

Amelia leans up, a soft, gentle kiss on his cheek. “Tomorrow, right?” Cullen chuckles, nodding in agreement.

 

* * *

 

Amelia pauses before the door, hand hovering over the knob. She can hear rustling inside. Not what one wishes to hear when they are trying to sneak back into an apartment. Though to be fair, why one would be trying to sneak into their own apartment is a weird idea. She takes a deep breath, cracking the door open sneaking a peek inside.

“Amelia Trevelyan, where have you been?” Mariana asks pouring some coffee into a mug.

Amelia walks through the door slowly, hiding the smile and not to mention her swollen lips from her moment with Cullen from before. She locks the door, walking awkwardly towards her room where tissues still litter the floor. Petting Mariana’s Mabari, and Pyre when he jumps up and paws at her leg. 2 humans and 2 Mabari’s in the same apartment is probably not a good idea.

“I was, uh, out.”

“Obviously, but where outside?”

She stutters, eyes darting around as she comes up with an excuse. “I went out to um, get some p-pizza.”

“Oh? Then why do you have grass stains on your shirt? And why did you leave the door unlocked? And why are there used tissues all over your floor?” She asks with incredulously, pointing to each object in question as she does.

“I went to the park after…?”

“And the door?”

“I couldn’t take my keys because I was ah, not… wearing something with… pockets?”

Mariana glares at her with half lidded eyes, “You’re wearing jeans.” Her tone dry and condescending.

She looks down and pats her legs, mumbling: _shit, fuck, nice going Trevelyan._

“You are acting really weird,” Mariana says accusingly, biting her lower lip to hide the knowing smile.

“I am not. I always act like this…” eye’s darting around as she twiddles her thumbs behind her back.

Amelia bites down on her lower lip as green eyes appraise her. The tension building. Mariana squints, unconvinced but ignores her friend anyway, let her have her secret. Eventually she will find out, she always did. Smiling to the exasperated sighs coming from Amelia as she rushes to her room.

Amelia rests her head on the door, sliding down slowly till one leg is stretched out and the other bent so she can rest her arm on it. She smiles, one of those genuine, forlorn smiles as she remembered Cullen’s lips on hers. She’s either not going to sleep at all tonight, or have the best dream ever. Either way, she can’t wait for bed.


	12. Skyhold

She had no idea Skyhold Industries was so, _huge_. Amelia asked the security guard which floor Cullen had been on, forgetting it already like she did so often. With a bag of food in tow she made her way to the elevator, pushing the button.

“24 hours and you already forget, Nice Trevelyan. Can’t you remember anything ever –” she mumbles to herself.

“Wait, hold the door!”

She jammed her leg before the doors closed, a woman walking in out of breath. She must not be from around here given her accent, and the obvious tone of light brown on her skin.

“Thank you so much.” The woman pants, taking in deep breathes. Amelia nodding with a smile.

They stand there, elevator music playing as Amelia taps her foot impatiently. Eye darting around trying to ignore the fact that it is a very small space.

"I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before, are you new?”

“Oh uh, no I’m visiting a friend.”

The other woman holds out her right hand, the other jumbling a pile of papers. “Josephine Montilyet. I run the Political and Dignitary office here.” She says with a curtsy Amelia hasn’t heard in Ferelden before. Definitely not from around here, Antiva maybe?

“Amelia Trevelyan.” She replies shaking her hand.

"Trevelyan!? As in Bann Aramond Trevelyan?”

Amelia jumps for a moment, startled at the screech. “Y-yes?”

“Oh it’s such an honor truly! My Family is trade partners with him, we owe a lot of our trade routes to him.”

“My Father is partners with a lot of people, Miss Montilyet.” She says with a light condescending tone. “And I’m just his daughter, I don’t do anything related to his work.” She adds, shifting uncomfortably in the tight space. Tugging at the collar of her shirt; is it hotter in here or just her?

Amelia almost sighs in relief when the elevator stops, Josephine puts her business card in her hand. Waving and saying something about meeting up for brunch or of the sort, but she doesn’t catch it.

It’s another 4 floors before it stops again and she gets out, taking 3 deep breathes with her hand resting on the wall before searching around for Cullen. Finding the door with the words ‘Cullen Rutherford, Head of Security’.

Feeling just a tad embarrassed she spent longer then she should finding it.

She opens the door a crack, seeing about 3-4 people standing there so she shuts it and leans against the outside wall.

Cullen see’s the outline of her shape and gulps. He wasn’t expecting her, not now, Maker what time is it? He glances over to his clock, rolling his eyes when it says 9pm. Blighted thing.

"Alright, and that’s all for now. If you will excuse me.” He motions his hand to the door, the people walking out taking quite a notice that a woman is walking into their boss’s office. He can hear the quiet whispers and rolls his eyes;

_Is that really a lady? I think so, what would she be doing here? Did you see the food? I think their having lunch. The Boss and a woman having lunch? No that’s absurd._   

“I’m sorry I thought it was your lunch time and I wanted to surprise you…” She mumbles quietly, placing the bag of food on his desk. Her eyes drift over to the small makeshift pot, and the rose she gave him yesterday. Did he really bring that here? Wonder if anyone has asked where he would have acquired such a thing.

“It is, it is. I tend to work through it.” He smiles when he notices she’s looking at the rose, sitting down in his chair after putting the papers into a neat pile in the corner. “I never really had a reason to actually use my lunch break before.”

“Well I’d hate to disappoint Rutherford, but you can’t live off of work.” She quips taking the Tupperware of food out of the bag.

Any smart comment dies on his tongue to the heavenly aroma filling the room, the smile growing to the smell of familiar spices and chicken wavers through his office. Amelia chuckles as he rubs his hands together in anticipation. Almost like that of a child ready to open his Christmas presents.

“What pray tell _is_ that?”

“It’s just spiced chicken. I made it last night but Mariana wasn’t hungry, so I figured instead of it going to waste we could have it for lunch.” She hands him a fork. “It’s one of the few Ferelden dishes I know. If you don’t want it I can go out an –“

“No!” he lifts himself out of the chair for a moment, knuckles turning white as his grip tightens. “I-I mean, that won’t be necessary.” He clears his throat and pursing his lips at the sudden outburst. Lowering back into the chair slowly, salivating at the sight of the dish.

They eat. She watches as he wolfs down the food, his appetite suddenly on fire it seems. If only her roommate appreciated her cooking like he seems to.

“So I take it you liked it?”

Cullen takes one last gulp of food, carelessly wiping his mouth on the sleeve of his shirt. “That would be a vast understatement.” He smiles, “Where did you learn to cook like that?”

She giggles, amused at his excitement over something so simple. “Despite having servants to cook, I asked if they could teach me. To surprise my brother the day before he left to join the military. I believe he became a Templar.”

“I was a Templar as well for a few years. Would I have known him?” He asks suddenly curious. 

“I’m not sure. Does a Daniel Trevelyan ring a bell?”

Cullen shakes his head. “Must have been in different sections.”

Once finished with her own meal she walks to the other side of the desk and sits in his lap. He gulps. Wrapping his arms around her waist without thinking of it as she plays with the collar of his shirt. It feels so strange having a woman just jump into his lap, but at the same time it feels almost _too_ right. She fits way to perfectly positioned where she is.

“So, you went from Templar to head of Security in a corporation... how does that work?” She quips.

“Yes well if I knew myself I’d tell you” He says as he plays with a lock of her hair.

“I’ll hold you to that Rutherford.” She giggles. Looking at his clock she squints, then pulls out her phone. “Cullen, I think your clock is busted.”

He rolls his eyes. “I know, stupid blighted thing. It’s the third one too.” He growls.

She giggles right near his ear, the sound sending a tingling feeling down his spine. “Well I’m sure you have a lot of work to do, I’ll get out of your hair.”

Before Amelia slides off strong fingers curl around her wrist, pulling her in for a kiss. He is never going to tire from the feel of her full lips on his. Despite letting him get back to work Amelia places her hand in his hair, pulling him closer. It seemed neither are willing to let the other go.

But he still has work and assumes she does as well, so reluctantly Cullen loosens his grip on her and nudges her, getting up and helping her clean the desk off.

Opening the door and walking with her to the elevator, “Let me at least walk you down.” He smiles as he pushes the button, inadvertently brushing against her hand. Grinning even more to the sight of the blush forming on her cheeks.

Cullen walks into the elevator after her, noticing the slight tremors in her hands. She stays in the corner for most of ride down, he steps closer to her and reaches his arms out, she leans into his arms when the elevator suddenly stops in-between floors.

Amelia’s eyes widen and dart around quickly. “Wh-what happened? What’s happening!? Cullen what’s going on –”

“Calm down, calm down, I’m sure it’s nothing.” Cullen looks at his phone, sighing in aggravation. “The building has a short power outage, nothing new. Just stay calm and every – “

She clawing at the doors, even jumping up and down, hyperventilating. “No. No. No. No I have to get out I can’t –”

“Amelia calm down!” He grabs her, cradling her in his arms, but it doesn’t seem to do any good. She slips out, climbing on the small metal hand rail and reaching up for the escape hatch. Trying it seems to find any way out.

“Amelia stop you’re going to –“ He sighs to the sound of metal clanging on the floor. “Break the hand rail.”

She curls up in a fetal position, rocking back and forth staring off into space. Tears running down her face now. She grabs the broken metal rod and holds it up close defensively. “No you don’t understand their going to get me –“ Amelia starts smacking her arms, trying to swat at something that isn’t there.

Cullen has no idea what to do, he’s never seen anyone act this way to an elevator before.

So he sits down next to her, carefully holding his arms out to see what she would do. When Amelia doesn’t flinch He pulls her into his lap and rocks back and forth whispering calming words into her ear, which thankfully, seem to work enough that her breathing is no longer ragged and to the point she would faint.

The sounds of gears working again break the silence, eventually reaching the bottom floor. When the doors open Amelia runs out, kneeling on the floor with her palms on the cold ground.

Cullen waves his hand when the security guard at the desk threatens to come over. He kneels on one leg next to her, his hand resting on the small of her back. “Are you alright?”

She nods slowly, pushing herself up off the floor. “Y-yeah.” She replies, her voice shaky and hoarse with dried tears rimming her eyes.

He takes her hand as he walks her out. “Come, I’ll take you home.” She stops him, looking at him with concern. Cullen plants a finger on her lip. “Its fine, they won’t mind me being gone for a few minutes.” He insists even after she sits in his car.

Once at her place He opens the passenger side door, helping her out. She seems much better then back at the office, a good sign. Startled when she suddenly wraps her arms around him.

“Not the worst lunch I’ve had honestly.” He jokes, wrapping his arms tight around her, nose resting in the crook of her neck, taking notice of the scent of lavender and Crystal grace. Such a sweet smell, has he never noticed it before?

“I’m sorry I ruined it.”

“Ruined it? Not at all. Have Dinner with Dorian, which will ruin it. In fact you should come over –“ He pursues his lips, face flushing as she lifts her head from its spot on his chest.

“Cullen are you… asking me for… dinner?”

He only nods in response, and pleasantly surprise when she leans up and kisses him lightly. Her hands caressing his jaw as she pulls away. He whimpers slightly at the loss of her lips and she giggles. “Cullen I’d love to have dinner with you.”

“I’ll make the necessary arrangements for say, next week?” He says before capturing her lips with his once more.

“I would like that.” Is all but a whisper between them.

* * *

 

A date. he actually managed to ask her out on a date.

As he stepped back into his car, the grip he had on the steering wheel made his knuckles turn white as his palms clammed up. not from anger for once, but from nervousness. He'd been on many dates before her, and some how, in some way, they ended in failure. He was bad enough around her when they were in the comfort of casual clothes and it seems in each other's lap. But this? Them together in a restaurant in clothing that would have to match the ascetic of the place. 

Did Cullen even have something like that to ware? 

As he drove through town back to Skyhold he couldn't get it out of his head. 

He was going on a date.

He was going on a date with most probably a goddess in disguise. 

Without a second though he pulled over, called Cassandra he was heading off early for just today. Claimed headaches, which wasn't a complete lie; he always had headaches. He could hear her shuffling around till finally a disgruntled sigh was heard and she let him go for the day. Once he knew he could be free he drove a couple of miles to a clothing store for men, bought a suit and finally headed home. 

He had a reservation to plan. And he wanted it in the place it all began. 


	13. Milk and Cookies

Friday came too quickly for his tastes. The whole week was filled with thoughts and ways it would go. Most ended well, some ended great and others ended in complete and utter disaster. Cullen rushes around, scrambling for his keys and wallet. The sound of Dorians laughter not helping at all.

“And where are you going all dressed fancy hmm?”

Cullen stops, brow raised high on his head. “Fancy? This is fancy?” he jokes.

“For you, yes. You’re not wearing something that looks like you haven’t washed it in 3 weeks.” Dorian leans on the arm of the couch, his devilish smile making Cullen all that much more nervous.

He’s never actually been on a date. Never had a reason, well there was the one girl a few years back but that was so long ago. Should he be dressed ‘fancy’? What is even considered fancy? He pleads to the Maker not to screw this all up.

Dorian clears his throat. “My, you are distracted. So who’s the lovely lady hmm?”

“N-no one in particular Dorian, now please help me find my wallet.”

“No one in particular?” he retorts in a mocking shock, his hand resting on his chest. “They must be, considering your sweating like a pig.”

“What?” He looks at his armpits and of course he is, so typical, so infuriatingly typical. “Makers breath!” He runs back into his room to change. Perhaps wearing white was not the best idea in the world.

 

* * *

 

 

Amelia comes out of her room, without Cousland hogging the vanity mirror she has time to check herself out sort to speak. She’s wearing a low cut red, velvety dress that stops in the middle of her calves, a cut showing her leg on the left side, for shoes it’s a darker shade of red, small high heels. The purse is a simple tan shoulder strap with the design of a dragon; oh how she wishes they were real.

Is it too much? Oh screw ideals society has on what women should wear. This is stupid, she should just wear what she always wears.

Amelia’s ready to go back and change when there’s 3 knocks on the door. Hastily she walks over and opens it, eyes widening to the sight before her. Cullen. In a suit. A very nice suit too, Maker does he look good in one. She fights back the will to grab his shoulders and see if they are padded. They have to be right? She’s glad she wore this now, though you can’t compare to a man in a suit.

His heart beating just a bit faster, taking in the image before him. A smile creeping up on his face to the sight of her like that, her hair in a elegant bun with some wisps of hair fighting against it, it showed off her neck just a bit more.

“You know it ‘ _suits_ ’ you.” She chuckles.

“Oh sweet Maker, am I going out with Alistair?”

“You both would make a lovely couple, it would be like every silly romance story book.”

“I considered it, but then you showed up.” He quips with a crooked smile. He bows, holding his hand out and gulping when she gently takes the offer. Bringing her hand up to his lips, gently kissing her knuckles as she bats her eyes.

“But in all honesty, Maker’s Breath, Amelia, you’re _beautiful._ ”

She turns to his side, shifting her weight and batting her eyes. “You too. I mean you look handsome, not beautiful. Handsome is what you say for men.” She chuckles awkwardly.

He walks with her to his car, surprised that he actually cleaned it completely since the last time she saw him.

“I made reservations at The Raven’s Song. It wasn’t easy though.”

She buckles as he gets in, shifting in her seat. He gulps at the sight of her legs, bare and pale compared to her neck, and not to mention he can see her breasts, pushed together in the dress, held up by nothing but the dress itself it seems.

Sweet Andraste, wouldn’t he give to be able to hold them – He has to fight every nerve in his body to not turn and look at her while he drives.

They arrive not long after, Cullen gets out and politely helps her out, her smile all the much sweeter. She wraps her arm around his, smiling warmly at him as he walks them inside. He doesn’t mean it, but walking with her, silently announcing that she is with him, makes him feel all that much taller.

As they sit the waiter brings them a bottle of wine in a bucket of ice. She giggles as he fumbles with it, hands clumsy against the delicate glasses. Clearing his throat as he pours he avoids her gaze for fear of more embarrassment, she places her hand reassuringly on his, calming his nerve.

Even when the food arrives they awkwardly steal glances at the other. Amelia takes a drink every now and again, eyes darting around at everything but him. And he is the same. Both unsure on really what to do honestly. What do they talk about? Do they act like they’re not going out? Should she make a wise crack joke? That usually saves her. Should he complement her again?

Amelia eventually clears her throat, bashfully swirling her wine glass around. “So…” she starts. “How has your week been?”

“Good, good.” He takes a bite and chews slowly.

“How is the food? Does it ‘suit’ your tastes?”

He chuckles, placing the fork and knife down and wiping his lip. “Are you going to do that all night?” His voice taut but calm all at once.

“Maybe” she replies, drawing out the word in a playful manner.

“Is there any way I can convince you to stop?” He asks with an even tone and a crooked smile. And is there a hint of something else there, she can’t quite make out, sounds almost… seductive in a way.

“I could be… _persuaded_.”

Cullen feels his face burn at her words. The tone she used, the way she looked at him. It was clear she meant something behind it, though what it was Cullen’s unsure, he’s never heard that sultry voice from her. Whatever she meant by it, she got the response she wanted apparently as his hands clam up and eyes dart around.

“M-maybe I could uh, pour you another, g-glass?” His voice is shaky, uneven in his current state as her eyes appraise him silently. He can see that’s not what she means of course. Perhaps the wine is getting to the both of them?

Maker’s breath. With the looks she’s giving him, the subtly way she rubs his leg with her foot has him internally screaming to be alone with her. Suddenly, like that out of a poorly done sitcom, they are interrupted by Alistair and Mariana. Even over the chatter he can hear Amelia’s sigh of aggravation.

“What are you both doing here and – Amelia are you in a dress?!” Mariana nudges Alistair who is busy staring at the plates of exotic cheeses.

She is completely unaware of what she interrupted, going over her head like a cold, cold wind, the annoyance in her friends face growing to dangerous levels when they both sit down at their table.

 Completely ignoring basic edict.

They really are not going to –

“Are you both going out? Oh that is so cute! See Alistair I told you they would. You didn’t believe me. Oh how long have you two? Oh I bet since that day at the park, but that was over 3 months ago –”

Amelia and Cullen both rest their heads on their hands, looking like two very tired parents. Cullen gulps down the wine, pouring some for Amelia and promptly chuckling when she chugs it down. They attempt to ignore the rambling next to them, but it harder to do then you would think.

Amelia cocks a brow at him and starts mocking her friend in silence, doing an exaggerated eye roll. Her face hidden behind her hand. He snickers quietly, mouthing _‘Did we pay the check?’_

 She thinks for a second, if their friends weren’t talking he could swear there were sounds of gears turning in her head. He quite liked the way her nose scrunched as she thought.

She finally nods, and mouths back _‘Think we can slip away?’_

He gets up slowly, carefully as to not alert the two chatter boxes next to them. He leans down as she takes his hand, both childishly sneaking on the tips of their toes to the door. Laughing once they get outside and to his car.

Both laughing as he drives.  She suggests a club not far from her apartment, not one for dancing he just takes her to the bar near his apartment. She’s not upset though, it might be fun to see him drunk.

They held their shot glasses up and clinched them –

"To getting away from friends who don't know when to leave." Cullen cheers.

"To being able to hold back from punching said friends." Amelia cheers with a soft chuckle.

They both drank their whiskey double down and laughed at the whole situation. Here they were, the ones on a date, now getting wasted. Not the most romantic of dates, but even after it all, it was somehow still perfect.

Amelia looked at her empty glass, smiling. "Not the worst date I've been on. Cousland tried to hook me up with a stripper once."

He laughed. "Really?" her only answer being a nod as the bartender poured more in their glasses.

Cullen glazed his eyes over her tantalizing bare skin just below her dress, how her breasts rose and fell with each slow steady breath she took. In a sudden act of boldness he put his hand just near the edge of the dress cut. He squeezed gently, savoring the feel of her leg.

She looked at him in the corner of her eye, brow raised and smirking. She cleared her throat. Turning her head to face him before asking for another shot.

His face flushed from both the drinks and being caught.

Amelia shot back her whiskey. Leaning her head in the palm of her unsteady hand, golden eyes surveying him. She felt his hand sink lower on her thigh, a devilish smile spread across her lips. "Any lower big guy and you’re going to have to bring me home." she quipped, the sultry tone from before returning.

Cullen gave her a lopsided grin. Leaning in closer, closing any gap there had been between them. His lips brushed against her neck, trailing up to her ear. "Perhaps, that's what I was planning." He whispered before kissing the underside of her earlobe, his voice low and husky.

Her skin burned where his lips had been, any hotter and she’s sure she’d be bursting into flames.

Cullen leaned back in his stool, smiling as her breasts rose and fell faster with the pickup of her breathing. Amelia relaxed into his touch, she knew she was safe, he’d done nothing to suggest otherwise.

This was going all downhill really fast. Or uphill depending on which way you looked at it. Yes she wanted him, oh did she want him; wanting nothing more than to feel what he would be like on top of her, pinning her hands to the bed as he- she mentally shakes her head. Is this too soon? It has been barely two weeks. Her thoughts scattering at the feel of his touch.

She looked, no he wasn’t drunk, or if he was he was really good at hiding it.

She gulps as Cullen’s hand runs lazy circles on her skin. Then abruptly his hand moves from her leg back to the counter. Perhaps he felt the tension in her? No wait he’s just taking another sip of his drink. And suddenly he’s laughing, a little sloppily but he’s _laughing_.

“You’re not the only one who can use _that_ to their advantage it seems.” He says putting the glass down.

Amelia only clears her throat and attempts at laughter, poorly hiding the embarrassment; mind you. Her eyes move over him, over his broad shoulders, the chest she knew was hidden under the suit, and they traveled lower still. She bit her lip, perhaps he did feel the tension on her muscles, but there was no way that his pants bulged the way they were earlier. And it seems he realized as well, shifting his leg trying to hide it and coughing into his hand to get her attention.

Both take a few more shots of Whiskey, the liquor finally getting to them as they sway in their stools.

“Perhaps I should take you home now? It is very late.” He says shaky with slurring words.

“Why don’t I sleep over your place? It is a Friday night, I don’t have anything tomorrow.” She played with her glass. “I mean I could just sleep on the couch of course I didn’t mean sleep in your bed – that would be ah, that- that wouldn’t be what I meant.”

“O-of course you can.” He blurts out before he can stop himself.

 

* * *

 

 

They get up, he holds her as she wobbles for a second, both laughing. He was in no condition to drive, so perhaps sleeping the night at his place was the better option. He just had to remember where his car actually was parked. They walk up the stairs to his door, he shushes her when she giggles a bit too loudly. Stumbling with his keys, even dropping them and laughs.

“Shhh, shhh” He puts a finger to his lips playfully.

Both their faces flushed from their drinks. Amelia had walked up the stairs in her bare feet, even the small heel was now throwing her off. Cullen was oh so tempted to sweep her off her feet and walk into the apartment, be all romantic to salvage this date.

Though it was more possibly going to end with both of them flat on their asses.

Not sure if Dorian is there or not, they quietly walk in, shutting the door as carefully as he can. Cullen tip toes to Dorians door, ear on the wood listening and putting his thumb up when he doesn’t hear anything.

 

Amelia puts her shoes on the couch, fixing the dress. As she fondles her sore swells Cullen swallows whatever bundle of nerves was in his throat, cheeks flushing with color.

“Andraste’s dimpled butt cheeks, my breasts are fucking itchy under this thing. You wouldn’t happen to have a loose shirt I could –”

Cullen doesn’t take a second thought and throws one of his old button shirts at her, landing over her face. He pauses as she pulls it off, laughing when she laughs. His head spinning, he shakes, bracing on the wall beside him.

“Close your eyes.” She orders him softly, and he does, turning his back and covering his face with his large hands. Turning her back as the dress slides off, she sighs in relief and slips the shirt over her form. “Okay.”

Cullen turns and it feels as though his jaw literally drops. He can see _so_ much of her legs, pale compared to her arms with what seems to be old scars. His shirt is barely covering her more private area, and is leaning off her one shoulder showing the slight dusting of freckles and a few small scars. He can’t help but stare.

“You have a pillow and a blanket I could use?”

“Beautiful…” he mumbles aloft, mind completely in another place. He shakes his head, “I mean why? You can sleep in my bed, I’ll sleep on the couch.”

Amelia looks at her feet. “That wouldn’t be right; kicking you out of your bed.”

“Then we share… it…?”

They stare at one another, unsure if the other is bluffing. She’s not even sure he made the suggestion, but you know what it’s a simple gesture. Nothing bad right? She walks over to his room, taking a peek inside. His bed certainly is big enough, looks to be a king, with really nice looking pillows. It’s extremely tempting.

“If you ah, don’t mind of course. I mean what harm could it be right?” He says undoing the cuffs of his suit, and the buttons of his shirt. She’s seen him shirtless so he doesn’t think anything of it.

She nods. “Yeah sure, do you need me to wait out here while you get uh, sleep decent?”

Cullen chuckles walking past her. Motioning with his hand that he will only be a minute. And true to his word, he’s ready in no time at all, apparently only sleeping in pajama pants. That’s- well that’s going to be interesting, considering she’s in nothing but his shirt and underwear. Her mind drifts off as his chest is bare and for her to see.

So many things rush through her head. In fact she’s wondering if this is a bit too much, maybe… maybe if she acts like that time she was living in Alistair’s tiny apartment it will be alright.

As her mind drifts back to reality Amelia walks in, slowly, putting her hands on the mattress like she’s testing it. It is someone else’s bed; unfamiliar territory. He’s already laying down, pulling the blanket over his shape when she finally gets in.

For the majority of the night they are separate from one another. Amelia sleeping on her stomach while Cullen occasionally switches between back and side. Resting on the cool mattress, being mindful of the other’s personal space.

Also trying to not make this weird, which for the most part works out.

Sometime in the middle of the night however she woke up, feeling his arm around her waist and leg wrapped around hers. Dose he always sleep like this? How does she even get out?

Wiggling herself free she gets up and pours a glass of water. Strangled sobs suddenly coming from his room, she rushes back to find him chaotically reaching his arms out. And is he… crying? Has she ever seen him cry? Amelia wasn’t even sure he was capable.

“Cullen?” She sits at the edge of the bed and gently pushes him. “Hey Cullen.” This time is more frantic.

He starts trashing about and she has literally no idea what to do. Amelia gets up and jumps in one spot, hands pulling at her hair as the man beside her cries in his sleep.

Suddenly an idea pops in her head and in a bold move she starts singing a lullaby while gently stroking her fingers through his disheveled curls, other hand softly rubbing his chest. At least now she knows why Varric’s nickname for him is ‘Curly’.

He calms down, eyes fluttering open when she stops. He looks at her with tired- heavy eyes and grabs her, pulling her as close as possible, his hand tangling in her hair and the other on the small of her back.

“You’re alive, Maker, you’re _alive_.” He croaks hoarsely. Rocking back and forth with her.

“O-of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?” She’s not sure if she can be even more confused quite honestly.  

“Bad dream I take it?”

Cullen pulls back, wiping tired eyes and suddenly jumps from the bed, almost embarrassed at what just transpired. He rubs his neck, kicking his foot on the ground. He faltered, realizing the situation, “I’m so sorry I have no idea what –“

Amelia gets up, pulling gently on his arm. Confused, Cullen lets her lead him to the kitchen and sits down when she pushed him to the chair, gently but also forcefully, like she’s dealing with a fidgeting child.

“What are you –“

She pulls out a mug and fills it with milk, sticking in the microwave and promptly looking in his pantry for a box of cookies. Placing both on the table, sliding the mug to him. Cullen blinks, unsure what is going on.

“My brother used to tell me this story, that the warm milk kills the demons in your mind, while the chocolate in the cookie keeps the new ones at bay.” She says sweetly, he’s taken back by the motherly tone, “When I was younger I suffered from night-terrors and when I would wake from them, my brother, Stephan, would make me a warm cup of milk. It helped for a little bit, till I was able to go back to sleep.”

Cullen smiles, drinking the milk in just a few sips. Never did he expect this reaction. No one else has even bothered to be helpful with his nightmares. But here she is, giving him milk and cookies like a child; trying to help in her own sweet way. “Thank you.” He says, voice raw with emotion.

Amelia reaches for his hand, her hold on his tight but reassuring as she smiles. Her eyes filled with such sincerity and tender, “Anytime.”

His eyes widen when she gets up, worriedly he curls his fingers around her wrist. Amelia smiles chuckling as she places a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m just going back to bed, you stay here and finish eating. Come back when you’re done yes?”

Cullen only nods as he takes a bite out of the cookie. When she disappears into his room he looks down at the half eaten treat, playing with it in hand, smiling and thinking of her. Despite wanting to be back in that bed with her, he finishes the cookies she gave him, and when he returns she is fast asleep.

Carefully he climbs into bed, as not to disturb her. A goofy grin on his face as Amelia rolls over in her sleep and hands resting over his chest. It’s not long before he falls back asleep, arm wrapped around her.


	14. 3 words

Amelia craned her neck, a morning glow filtering through his partially opened windows not too bright but still hurt the eyes. She sat up slowly, rubbing the little bit of sleep from her eyes as she leaned back against the head rest. There was a slight headache but nothing too extreme or unfamiliar, a subtle shake of her head was more than enough to get through the morning.

She turned to not find Cullen beside her. For almost a moment she thinks last night never happened, but thinking for a logical explanation she got up, stretching until she could hear the faint cracking of her back.

Amelia adjusted his shirt so it didn’t hang in such a way her breasts would show, it still clung to her form, not enough to show details but enough to show the basic outlines. But there was nothing she could do about it.

The door squeaked as she opened it, tip toeing into the hallway till it opened to the living room area. She heard sizzling and the sounds of snuffling. And the smell of food; of food _she wasn’t cooking_. When she looked a smile spread across her face.

Cullen had changed into jeans, but left the top half of himself bare for all to see. She never noticed how _perfect_ he was. His arms had just the right amount of muscle, Broad shoulders, a taunt stomach with little patches of hair, and a waist that tapered inward just at the right angle.

She’d caught herself leaning in the wall, admiring him when Cullen cleared his throat and signaled for her to join him at the table. As Amelia walked over and sat down she couldn’t help the blush on her cheeks. It was so silly to be trying to sneak a glance at him, yet she had, and he had caught her doing so. But he didn’t seem to mind.

Cullen had made some sausages and toast, remembering how Amelia didn’t particularly like the taste of egg. They sat in relative silence, the only sounds are of the chewing of food.

There was a wall of words neither spoke of or mentioned. Both just staring at the other, waiting for a move, _for something_.

“This was, very nice of you to do, Cullen. Thank you.” She finished, patting her lips with the napkin.

Cullen didn’t hear her words, he was so focused on those lips. They were bare, and he wondered what they would taste like without the lipstick on. He licked his bottom lip absentmindedly, thinking of all the facts present to him: They were alone in this apartment, Dorian wasn’t to return until later tonight. She was bare except for his shirt and smalls and it would be so easy to scoop her up in his arms, take her to the bed and kiss her senseless.

“Cullen?”

He shook his head, blinking a few times before he returned to the moment. “Sorry I was ah…” He rubbed his neck, avoiding her when she started to chuckle.

“You know. You don’t actually need to say sorry for thinking while staring at my lips. I know what was on your mind.” She cooed, resting her head on her knuckles. And Cullen blushed harder, because well, that’s exactly what was on his mind.

“What was on my mind?”

Amelia smirked, whether Cullen meant it the way she heard it is unsure, but as she got up and rounded the small table, Cullen pushed his seat out inviting her onto his lap. What he wasn’t expecting was for her to straddle his hips, her small hands held his jaw as she leaned in, lips brushing over his. His hands snapped to her hips, digging themselves into the soft skin just under the shirt.

“This,” She purred in a whisper before closing the gap. Cullen was eager to meet her, lips slanting over hers. They tasted almost sweeter than last night if that was possible. Her hands slid down to his chest, feeling his heart beat, the soft hairs covering him. He groaned as her nails raked over his nipples. She made no move to deepen the kiss, keeping it slow, sensual. _But he wanted more._

Cullen nearly whimpered when Amelia pulled away, her lips kiss red and a wonderful shade of pink over her cheeks.  

The grip on her hips tightened when she rolled her hips. Maker what was she doing, if she kept this up –

“Cullen” She whispered breathlessly, a sound Cullen wanted to hear again, coax out of her and know it was because of _him_. His only answer being a low growl as she continued to roll her hips on top of his growing erection.  

His hips bucked as he leaned his head back against the chair, moaning deeply to the sensation of her on top of him, of Amelia moving her hips with him driving him nearly mad with desire.

“I want you –“

She started to say the words and his head nearly shot back up claiming her full lips in a ravenous, aggressive, _greedy_ kiss. His hand moved from her hips, one to the small of her back while the other fisted in her tangled hair, angling her better for him. Amelia’s lustful gasp only heightened the fire that was slowly consuming him, slipping his tongue in and caressing her own. She tasted of all sweet things; honey, sugar, apples. He groaned as Amelia shook under his ministrations –

“ _Wait_.”

He stopped, his hands on the buttons of the shirt she was wearing.

“Not… not yet. I’m sorry.”

Cullen felt like an ass. He had moved to fast and had scared her. Wanting nothing more now than for the earth to give way and swallow him whole. He lifted her off his lap, blush quickly coloring his face as he rubbed his neck awkwardly.

“No, no _I’m sorry_ I didn’t mean to-“

Amelia leaned over, brushing a kiss on his flushed cheek, feeling the heat from him. “You didn’t do anything…” She took his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her in the eyes. “You did _nothing_ wrong. It’s really me, I can’t hurt someone that I love.”

She looked like her wish was to punch herself. Amelia was so sure she wanted this- wanted him. Her body was screaming at her to just stop fighting what she had wanted all those months ago. But she couldn’t. There was no explanation, no reasoning for it, just that it wasn’t the right time.

And she wanted to punch herself for putting Cullen through this, he deserved so much better. There was a small little cluster of nerves that was screaming at her to not do this –

Wait. _Did she really just say out loud that she loved him?_

Cullen sat, eyes were widen and mouth slightly ajar before the most brilliant smile spread across his wonderful face. Lighting it up like a man who just found out he was going to be a father. His face was filled with such admiration.

“You… Love me?”

Amelia didn’t know what to do. She studied his face looking for any hint that she said something wrong something out of place, but she didn’t. All she found was pure joy. And it made her heart feel heavy, but it was feeling she wanted.

Cullen’s heart felt like it was beating at the speed of a train. He was waiting for her to talk, Maker why wasn’t she talking? He stood, taking her chin and all but forcing her eyes to his. He could stare at those personal suns forever.

“Amelia?”

She looked afraid to confirm what he was so sure she said. Could see the wheels turning in her head, nearly hear them too. Cullen was ready to let her go when she wrapped her arms loosely around his neck.

“Yes. I do. A lot. And that’s why I’m so afraid of hurting you.” Her words were earnest, she wasn’t sure how much more she could be. “But I love you, _Maker_ , I love you Cullen.”

If she was afraid he would reject her, Amelia was dead wrong. “I love you too.” Cullen whispered, voice raw and shaky with pure emotion. He bent down, covering her mouth with his. She never felt so happy. Like she was home. Could stay wrapped in his warmth all day, every day for that matter.

Not even Dorian entering the apartment earlier than expected tore those two from each other’s reach.

Cullen’s arm held tight around her waist while the other found its way into her hair, pulling her flush to his body. Even after they pull away, he could still feel her on him, taste, smell, just everything about her lingered and he didn’t want to move.

“Can I, come back after I go back home and change?” Her voice was horse, it hadn’t been a moment ago, and had to clear her throat a few times. Cullen opened his eyes, had closed them when their lips met and didn’t realize he had yet to open them again.

“How about we go out? There’s a fair in the city.”

Amelia smiled and nodded in agreement. Anything to spend more time alone with him was fine by her.

Walking back into his room, she changed into the dress to be more presentable for the trip back to her apartment. Waiting for Cullen to put a shirt on and grab his things before walking out with him to where the car had been left the night before. But all Cullen thought about were those three words, and she loved him, Maker preserve him, but _she loved him_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might take longer to update this due to somethings that have come up, but don't worry!


	15. a warm smile keeps the sorrys away

Amelia had requested they go to her place first. one, to get out of this cumbersome dress, two she needed to grab a few things as she planed hopefully, to be spending a lot of nights at his place. On the drive back to her place she made a point of keeping some sort of contact with him, either rubbing his leg at a stop light or lightly placing her fingers on his hands, But she needed to make sure she was touching him for her own sake.

Amelia greeted Mariana quickly, changing into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, grabbing a hooded sweater and a bag filled with a pair of clothes to change in, some pajamas and toiletries.

After all she wished to stay at his place again.

She rushed back out the door almost forgetting to pet Cousland’s Mabari.

_Definitely_ had to get one of her own someday.

Cullen parked the car a few blocks from the fair seeing as the streets were off limits to cars for it. It was chilly but not chilly enough you needed a full on jacket. Which Amelia was thankful for since she didn’t grab one.

“You think they’d have pumpkin doughnuts?” She asked, and Cullen smiled down at her as she curled her arm around his.

“I would assume so, it is fall.”

The fair was lively, orange and red colored trees outlined the edges and white tends littered the street leading all the way to the grand cathedral. It was in a way beautiful, the park around it anyway. Which is where they spent most of their time. They bought a few doughnuts, some hot apple cider and sat on a bench under a big oak.

They talked. Talked about normal things, some not so normal, but Cullen didn’t really care because her voice could soothe the most vicious of animals.

She noticed of course, after all Cullen seemed to be in such a dazed state. “Am I boring you or…”

Cullen shook his head, “No!” he sputtered before quickly lowering his tone to a quieter, calmer one. “No of course not.” He smiled trying to show her he meant it. “Ami you could never bore me.”

Amelia hid her smile behind the foam cup, taking a sip of the hot cider.

Cullen brushed a few strands of hair left out of the messy ponytail behind her ear, his fingers brushing ever so slightly on her skin yet the touch still made her shiver. She turned and he smiled. Maker save her she wanted to kill those lips, just let loose, her heart was pounding against her chest and despite the stomach clenching fluttering she managed to put her cup down on the ground.

He thought something was wrong and followed, ready to hold her. But that’s not what he got.

What he did get was a kiss that was more teeth than it should be, nipping, licking his lips. Amelia settled on his hips, her hands caging his face. What he got was a fire hot kiss filled with a desire he’d never felt, and at the same time it feels so familiar.

He groans into her mouth, yet still aware there could potently be people walking by. But he can’t help it, the feeling of her pressing into him the way she is makes him see stars and feel the sun in his blood.

There are a few people, but they either ignore or politely move the opposite side of the sidewalk.

Cullen lets loose her full name, “ _Amelia_ , oh Amelia,” his voice filled with desire, but she stops so suddenly.

In truth she doesn’t know what she wants. Kissing him like this, like she wants to have, and oh Maker does she want to have him. But is it too soon? Amelia doesn’t know, doesn’t want to ruin this, the one good thing that’s happened in her life. She stalls, pulling back from him, creating every single outcome in her head, and they all end badly.

“I’m sorry,” She whispers on his lips before getting off him.

Cullen shifts, both aware fully how much that excited him. But now he’s filled with concern, genuine tender concern that Amelia feels she doesn’t deserve. “Sorry? Ami, please if I have done anything…”

“No!” She sits back down next to him. “Maker it’s not you, it’s me.” She chuckles lightly at that, why that is Cullen doesn’t know. “I’ve done this before… moved to quickly and I really, really, _really_ don’t want to ruin this.”

Amelia puts her head in her hands, groaning internally at her stupidity. Why? Why did the Maker give her the gift of stupidity –

He gently takes her hands in his, marveling at the size difference for a second before he does the same to the other, finally lifting her chin till she is all but forced to look at him.

“Ami, you were, and never will be a bother to me. I need you to believe this, please, let me hear you say you believe this.”

Her golden eyes survey him and she can’t even believe she doubted it at all. “I believe you more than I believe the scar on my nose.” Cullen chuckles heartily, his hand moving to caress her cheek and thumb wiping away a tear she didn’t even know she shed.

Cullen pulls her closer, wrapping his arms around her almost protectively as she rests her head on his chest, the steady thump of his heart beat smoothing any nerves she may have had.

“Come on” He tugs at her, pulling them both up to their feet. “Let’s walk around for a bit, shall we my lady?”

Amelia smiles. “I quite like that name, “my lady”. It sounds so nice to the ears.”

“Then I shall say it when you wish of it.”

“Come on curly, let us find something to do in the fair.” Amelia gives him a wicked grin when he makes a whine to rival any Mabari, but he does it with a grin of his own.

“I’ve seen your bed-head Cullen. Curly is the most fitting name ever.” She chuckles out.

 

* * *

 

 

“The color of your drapes are horrendous, do you know this?”

Cullen sinks into the couch, feet propped up on the small table in front of him and Amelia makes a point of literally pointing out the drapes over his windows.

He laughs hard, chest hurting from it almost. “You said that last night while you were sleep talking.”

She gives him a look of false hurt. “I do not!”

“Yes. Yes you do.” He pats the spot next to him. “Come sit, I got the movie all set up and I’m missing the best part.” Amelia rolls her eyes but complies, silently giggling to his attempt at a flirt.

She curls up next to him, her one arm wrapped loosely around his waist. “Which movie?” She asks, grabbing a handle full of popcorn.

“Some movie based around knights and the Inquisition –“

“Maker’s breath,” Amelia exhales laughing, much to Cullen’s dismay. “You don’t even know what movie you picked?”

“To be honest I just grab a movie not really looking at the title.” He pauses and just finishes almost without thought says; “I also wanted to have a reason to do this…”

Amelia starts laughing, bracing herself on his chest as Cullen leaned over, his face buried in the crook of her neck and he rubbed his stubble on her. She snorted, bursts of quick laughter as he continued his assault. Somehow the movie started, perhaps Cullen hit the play button, neither are sure. What they do know is suddenly there is cannon fire and the clanking of swords filling the room.

In fact Cullen nearly jumps, going into a stance almost on instinct.

She giggles when he blushes and rubs the back of his neck.

“No, no. actually you looked cute doing that. I have a soft spot for knights in shining armor.”

Cullen sits back down, face still flushed as he searches for the remote to lower the volume.

At some point they both fell asleep. Well Cullen was half asleep, his body relaxed but his mind going a mile a minute. He had been zoning in and out of the movie, catching every other word or every other scene. It was Amelia’s breathing that kept him up, not because it was loud, but because how un-steady and ragged it was. She’d seen him at his worst, but he’s never seen her as he slept.

And it seemed he was not the only one subjected to tormenting nightmares.

She couldn’t toss and turn in his grip but it was clear she had tried, it was also clear she had been crying as tears both stained her cheeks and fresh ones rolled down them.

Cullen didn’t bother with a tissue or anything, using his thumb to rub away the tears. Her eyes fluttered open, rubbing her own eyes and using his chest to push herself off him.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” Her voice was rough, still thick with sleep.

“Ami you don’t have to apologies for every little thing.” He meant it as comforting, but sadly, that’s not how she interpreted it. She withdrew from him, curling up in a protective ball.

“sor-“

Cullen didn’t let her finish, silencing her with a feather light kiss to her forehead. “Ami.” He said softly. “I mean it. You have nothing to be sorry about. I get bad dreams too, remember?” He smiled and she returned that smile, and a yawn which had his smile growing till his cheeks hurt.

“Tired?”

“No.” which was interrupted with another yawn.

Cullen cocked a brow, playfully mocking her, which promptly earned him a light smack on the chest.

“Perhaps bed? You know- I mean to sleep bed not ah… not _bed_ bed. You know uh…” _He was going to kill himself._

But she giggles, sleepily, but still warm to his ears. “Yes, maybe that’s a good idea.”

She rose from the couch, stretching her back till she could feel the bones pop and crack before grabbing the backpack she brought to fish out some sleep wear, a pair of blue shorts and a darker blue striped tank. She made the comment that blue was her favorite color, so a lot of her things tend to be blue, but she didn’t need to explain. Blue looked very well on her, and if he was being honest to himself, he wondered what it would look like _off_ her.

Cullen just took his shirt and jeans off, leaving his boxers on. Which he noted had Amelia blushing up like a ripe tomato as she noticed the beginnings of the trail of hair leading _down_.  In fact he could swear she gulped before ambling her way to his room.

“Sleep bed. Sleep bed not _bed_ bed.” She mumbled to herself quietly as she slipped under the covers. But as Cullen pulled the blanket over them and curled up next to her, the shear heat radiating from his body had her thinking;

_Perhaps bed bed wouldn’t so badly be an idea._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a few things, one: so sorry about the huge delay! things happened, i lost the file for this so I've been having to sort of remember what I've written and the outline, so this may take a long time. another thing is I've been hiatus for a bit so there's that. 
> 
> also to clarify things, on Tumblr someone came up with a nickname for Cullen to say for Amelia, aka "Ami". so for the sake of the story lets pretend somewhere along the line he started to say it. lmao.


	16. Trust - NSFW

This time she woke early, still dark out and as she craned her neck to look at the small alarm clock Cullen had to read the time; 6:20.

She woke from a dream. Amelia actually had a dream. It would freak her out seeing as it’s been almost 20 years since she’s had a dream and not a nightmare, which would be unless the dream didn’t feel so real. She was aching _down there_ , the dream fueled by the warmth from the man next to her, feeling his strong arms resting on her chest. _Maker_ , even his breath which was tickling her neck was sending fire and chills up her spine.

They were in a mass entanglement of limbs, his arm over her chest and her leg wedged between both of his.

Cullen shuffled, still sound asleep as Amelia watched his chest, a steady rise and fall that threatened to lull her back to sleep. Amelia would admit, she quite liked this, waking up in his arms, and made a silent plea to the Maker if he was there, that she’d wake up like this every time.

She nudged closer, wrapping her arm around his waist when it occurred to her; she was not the only one guilty of a suggestive dream. And unlike hers, Cullen couldn’t really hide his. Amelia blushed hard trying desperately not to rub against him, or to make any sounds. In fact a part of her felt dirty thinking she’d want to _help him_ be rid of it.

Amelia mentally shook the thoughts away.

It would be at least another hour before Cullen would wake up, after all he did set his alarm for 7:20, but that doesn’t mean he would wake up earlier than that. Not when he could feel Amelia breathing on his chest.

“Good morning.” He said hoarsely, voice still raw with sleep.

Amelia looked up at him, a small peck to what she could reach of his lips. “I would think you also had a good night as well.” She hints at the obvious arousal.

Cullen gives her a raised brow in confusion but not able to hide the blush rising up his neck when she motions her head.

“Maker’s breath!”

He pulls away, stumbling and tripping on the bed sheets as he attempts to hide it. But brushing up against her, and perhaps the fact she knows makes him twitch in his boxers. And her looking at him, just her looking at him is setting fires all over his body.

“I’m so sorry, I ah, ahem. O-of course I didn’t think uh…”

“Calm down, calm down.” She muses. “It’s not like I’ve never seen morning wood before.”

“Really?”

“Alistair gets them a lot. Sleeps overs with him were a pain.” She laughs, patting the bed wishing him to return. He does almost too eagerly.

“So uh, if you don’t mind me asking, how do men usually get rid of them…?”

She can’t help but blush at her own question and is ready to smack herself. If it didn’t look like he was actually trying to explain to her. With cold showers or thinking about certain things. And suddenly her mouth ignores her brain and speaks for itself.

“What if I, ah- helped?”

_Maker take you, Amelia what is wrong with you?_

“What?!” Cullen sputters, as if it wasn’t possible for his face to be redder.

“N-never mind! I – I, Maker’s breath I don’t know what I’m saying!”

They stare at their feet, her embarrassed but Cullen? Oh no, Cullen is hard.

“You don’t have to if you don’t- _ahh_ …”

The statement hung in the air. Had he? Would she? But again she acts before she thinks, crawling between his legs, could see Cullen’s chest as his breathing picked up. But she stopped, her fingers hooking in his boxer briefs, waiting for a sign anything from him to tell her to stop. But he doesn’t.

“I do- want to, only if you say so.”

Cullen nods, three quick nods before throwing his head back against his pillows, sighing lustfully as Amelia slides the boxers down. And she does it slowly, needing to savory it like opening a present on Christmas, because that’s what he is.

A gift sent from the maker himself.

Cullen lets loose a ragged breath as his length is freed, and Amelia gulps.

_Alright Amelia, you’ve watched vids, you’ve read the stupid books Dorian gave you. You can do this, just remember no teeth and lick. They seemed to like that._

Amelia wraps her hand around him, feeling the hot velvet skin for the first time. Cullen twitches from the touch, the muscles in his stomach tighten. It’s almost too much and nothing has happened yet. Amelia waits till he nods again, and then her tongue darts out, licking her lips before dragging up the underside of his cock, all the way to the head.

“Ami – _Maker!_ ” Cullen moans, not caring about the volume.

She takes that as a good sign before wrapping her lips around the crown, sucking till he moans her name again. Her hand pumps him, squeezing just right while the other traces the perfect “V” his muscles and hip bones make.

Cullen’s dreamed of this, used this image when he’s relieved himself. But her, she always finds ways to crush those dreams because this is ten times better than anything he could have come up with.

His hands claw into the sheets, looking for something to ground him as her head starts to bob, taking more of him each time she descends on him. Her tongue drags along the underside, and it is too much. His hips buck on their own, forcing his length further into the sinfully sweet and scolding sensation of her mouth. Amelia gags but enjoys it perhaps much more than one should, hallowing her cheeks and encouraging him to do it again; _and he does_.

By Andraste he could swear he would die and die happy.

“Oh Ami. Ye- Yes!” He moans, growling out her name in a low timbre that has her aching, using the material of her sleep wear to rub against her core.

His hand finds her head, fisting in the red curls and he starts to lose himself in it. “Oh Amelia, yes!”

She moans around him and that was it.

“I’m- oh Maker! Amelia move you don’t need to -” Cullen rummages through the small counter on his side, almost ripping the cloth off the surface. Amelia’s lips leave him and he replaces the cloth. She watches as he thrusts up once and the cloth gets wet before his breathing relaxes and discards the cloth.

Amelia crawls back up to him, not anticipating the urgent teeth clanking kiss he pulls her into.

When she opens her eyes and he pulls away, the darkened look of his eyes sends a fire up her stomach.

“Was that- I mean did I, ahem. I’ve never done _that_ to a guy before and I –“

Her harsh blush makes him smile, and a wicked idea pops in his head. “I could, _show_ you how much I enjoyed it.”

Amelia goes wide eyed. “What?”

Cullen leans over, hands still trembling from what she put him through, yet he holds her chin just as gently as any other time. “That is if you’ll let me.” His voice is low, slightly hoarse but the tone has her heart positively pounding in her chest.

She nods and says yes. She says something more but she whispered and the blood rushing through his ears made it near impossible to hear.

He settles between her thighs, admiring the way her body curves at this angle before hooking his fingers in her shorts. The anticipation building in his chest, as each small patch of skin is releveled he sucks in a breath. Slowly, like she did with him, Cullen pulls the clothing off till it joins his somewhere in the room.

Cullen takes a deep drawn out breath when he realizes she wasn’t wearing any smalls.

“Maker Ami, you’re… you’re more beautiful than I could ever dream.”

Amelia blushes, fluttering her eyes shut when his breath tickles her skin.

Feather light kisses to her inner thigh have her gasping. He follows a trail to just above her core before repeating on the other leg, lifting them up to rest on his shoulders. Cullen licks his lips, and in one long stroke runs the flat of his tongue against her. Amelia gasps and the sound mixed with the heady scent dizzying his thoughts. He repeats it a few times before delving between her folds, his nose burying in the curls at the juncture. Amelia squirms under him, mewling and raising her hips only for Cullen to push her back down with his hands. He chuckles knowing she’d feel it more than hear it.

It’s a string of little ‘ahs’ and ‘ohs’, that is until his lips find that bundle of nerves, and he sucks, drawing out all sorts of incoherent words.

Amelia throws her head back on the mattress, lifting her shirt to gather just above her breasts. Cullen growls, nostrils flaring as he watches her fondle the creamy skin.

Sucking on her clit he runs a finger along her slick folds, thrusting it in and up.

“Oh Cullen! Yes, right… right, yes!”

She doesn’t last long after that, squeezing her thighs and tightening around his finger. His tongue flicking her clit till she calms. Cullen lifts his head, his lips and chin glistening and his hair even more disheveled then it was before. Amelia steadies her breathing, pulling her shirt back over her chest almost looking embarrassed.

“That was the best meal I’ve ever had.” Cullen says with a wolfish grin as he makes his way to lay next to Amelia, wiping his lips on his arm.

Amelia takes a moment seeing as she’s unable to speak just yet. She’d also smack him for that comment if she could feel her limbs. “That was… Where did you learn to do that?” Finally able to sit up against the head board next to him, Amelia brushes her hair from her brows.

“Nowhere.” He tells her with a crooked smile.

“Heh, I doubt that –

“Look you think these walls are thick as my amazing personality, but I must inform my strapping Templar friend that he is late for work!” They hear Dorian call from the other side of the door and pause, both turning their heads to each other.

But instead of fear they both start to laugh. Loudly.

“I don’t know what’s funny, but I will not be acting as an alarm clock for you ever again Cullen!”

As they start looking around for clothes, they bump into each other. Both only with their bottom halves covered.

Cullen places his hands at her hips, pulling her flushed to him as he bends down to claim her in a tender kiss. Amelia throws her arms around his neck and pulls him as close as possible, and when they pull back resting their foreheads together panting, he can only smile with the biggest grin.

“Will I see you later?” He asks, kissing her temple before reaching over for a shirt.

“Of course.” She kisses his chest before he gets the shirt on, and pulling hers over her head to tease him when he bends to do the same.

 

* * *

 

 

Amelia walked around in a daze. Well not really a daze, she just looked that way when in deep thought. And she was in deep thought.

She walked up to skyhold, plastic bag filled with food in tow. She waved the security officer at the front gate, a young man named Krem. The name took her a few visits before remembering finally, or recognizing it was the same Krem that Iron Bull talked about. There was also no force in this world that was going to force her to take the elevator alone after that first time, so Krem had to send someone up with her.

Waving the poor soul that had to deal with her phobia good bye, Amelia stopped just in front of Cullen's office when she heard voices. Plural. And who ever it was sounded like they were irritating him.

"Cassandra please i am fine. I have work to do, now if you please."

"Cullen." She sighed his name. "I'm just making sure you're alright -"

"Which I am, now please."

He waved her away, but she only sighed again. Amelia opened the door just as she was to open her mouth once more.

“I’m sorry, am I interrupting?” She asked quietly. Amelia would have stayed on the other side of the door, eavesdropping, but she knew the tone Cullen was using all too well and instinct kicked in.

“No Amelia, of course not, please.” He gestured for the chair, a subtly smile on his face.

He turned to Cassandra, who turned to look at Amelia before looking back at Cullen. “We will speak about this later.” She warned, closing the door behind her.

They sat and ate in relative silence. She wanted to ask what it was about, the argument. But it was none of her business.

“How much of that did you hear?” Cullen asks after swallowing.

She didn’t answer right away which had his brows furrowing in worry.

“Not a lot, I swear!”

Cullen jumped, startled at the way she responded, not expecting her to be defensive. He got up, wade his was around the desk to pull her up to her feet. “You deserve to know.” He murmured in her hair. Cullen was shaking, trembling almost as he took a strong whiff of her shampoo, the scent of it and of her calming him.

“Remember how I said I used to be Templar?”

Amelia nodded.

“We used to take the drug Lyrium to heighten our senses –“  

“I know.” Amelia interrupted, stepping back from him to get a better look. “I know what it does. My brother took it – I took it.”

Cullen blinks, stunned. “You?” he asks for clarification.

“Yes. I and my brother were both Templars as well.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Amelia sighed, rubbing the scar on her lip. “Honestly? I thought I did. But this isn’t about me, tell me what you wished to tell me.”

Cullen nodded professionally, with his back straight he cleared his throat and continued:

“When I started working here I stopped taking it. It’s been a toll on me that I won’t pretend, that woman; Cassandra; I asked her to watch me should anything happen. I get headaches, bad ones. And well, you know about the nightmares.”

“Has it been really bad lately?” Amelia asked, concern painting her features.

“Nothing I can’t handle.”

She didn’t look convinced. “Cullen I… Thank you for telling me this, truly. If there is anything, anything you need, please tell me.”

Cullen smiled sheepishly, taking a step towards her. “A hug would be nice.”

Amelia giggled, wrapping her arms around him so tightly she feared he would break. He was warm, and hugged just perfectly, arms around her chest and waist. “Anything else?” She asked, her cheeks smooshed against his chest.

“Maybe a kiss would help.”

Amelia lifted her head, a light kiss to his neck.

“And here.” He pointed to his chin, and she kissed him there. “And maybe here.” And she kissed his forehead. “Here?” Amelia chuckled, kissing his cheek.

“Here as well?” He pointed to his lips.

She waited a second before a feather light kiss on his lips. Cullen pulled her closer, not wanting to end the feeling of her full lips just yet. He never forced more, only needing this moment.

“Love you.” She whispers against him and he smiled.

“I love you too.” He murmured back, voice hoarse but wavering with emotion.

He didn't lie about how the Lyrium was affecting him, _downplayed it_ , but didn’t lie. And if he was being honest, she was making a difference by just being there. And that was all he needed.


End file.
